We're in the home of the tango -- with the most boring Bachelorette. Should be sizzling.
Wells has the first one-on-one and he admits, he's probably the one guy who hasn't kissed JoJo -- and the guys are in shock. I mean, WHO HASN'T KISSED HER? And why doesn't this bother the rest of the guys? They're discussing how he'll have to get over his awkwardness and kiss her. Um, dudes, you're dating this girl. Why are you strategizing how to get Wells to kiss your woman?
They go to some weird, lewd see-through swimming circus and just when Wells is about to make his move, two half-naked chicks swim on the window over them. In the suspended kiddie pool. Okay then.This is like one of those weird dinner theaters in Japan. They're sitting in the pool for their first kiss and all I would think of is, "Is someone checking out my *&*^ while I kiss Wells?" Luckily, JoJo does not have my issues. She sends her arms in the air to claim victory as they have kissed.
At dinner, Wells tells her that there was no romance in his last relationship so they parted. She's still thinking about that unicorn moment and he's too practical. So he's going bye-bye.
Meanwhile, the guys back at the house called it.
GROUP DATE: Luke, James, Alex, Robby, Jordan
Its only appropriate that they play soccer in Argentina on the day that Lionel Messi through a tantrum and quit the Argentina team. Somebody has to play. The locals want to see a playoff for a kiss. JoJo seems pretty safe at this point. Robby tried to pay off the goalie off. I have to appreciate that. We're hearing all about James' self-esteem issues as he narrates the date for us.
After dinner, Luke gets the first quiet time. He's so handsome and he's a good person. So I have no doubt in my mind that JoJo will not pick him. But she does let us know she's running out of words to describe their passion. Which is good because she doesn't come up for air to offer actual words.
James uses his time to continue overanalyzing and call out Jordan for being the Olivia/Chad who is left. Famewhore basically. So rather than wait and watch, JoJo runs straight to Jordan and tells him everything. Does she really think that Jordan, if he is a jerk, is going to tell her the truth? She buys his story hook, line and sinker. I can not with her. Just pick Jordan and let the rest of these poor blokes go home.
Jordan confronts James immediately. I hope James is coming to the conclusion that maybe JoJo is not good enough for him. Because she's not in my opinion. She's going to be the kind of girl a guy cheats on, and quite frankly, it's because she sees what she wants to see. Okay, I'm sorry. I think I'm done with this season.
Luke gets the rose. This. Is. Awkward. JoJo is just all about the physical. She needs to go play the field for a while. She needs to be a female Shep from "Southern Charm" for awhile.
TWO-ON-ONE WITH DEREK & CHASE -- the TANGO
So the whole point of the tango is to feel the passion and show it through dance. Unfortunately, we've got two white men here and there is no throwing around JoJo in the heat of passion. It's as if you can see the counting the steps on their lips. It's like Tangoing with Sheldon Cooper. Chase stays. Derek goes. No one cares. (My daughter just told me I'm heartless so take my opinion with a grain of salt.)
Jordan feeds JoJo a line of crap to save his skin. He sees the person I want to fall in love with...that I am falling in love with -- nope still not enough. I want to wake up everyday and fall more in love with you. I don't know. I just don't buy it from Jordan. I just find him too arrogant and not genuine. What do you think?
James got a confidence boost with a passionate kiss, so he thinks he'll get a rose.
Robby, Jordan, Alex, James
NO one who hasn't already gone home tonight. The most uneventful rose ceremony ever.