Girly Girl by Author Kristin Billerbeck

Bachelorette Follow-up Show

Love is a funny thing, isn't it?  I mean, it's really impossible for me to see what Jillian sees in Ed over Reid.  I get that Reid didn't "say" he loved her quick enough, but didn't their connection seem so obvious?  Reid just seems like the "real deal" and my heart broke for him last night.  I didn't believe he'd really gone back to Hawaii to propose on his own accord.  I thought maybe he was paid for his appearance to add drama to the show.

But then, last night, in his teary eyes, you saw that wasn't true.  He was so sincere, and he didn't understand what the words meant to her.  He'd been cautious and protective. What I love about this allegory for life, (and men, this is our football aftershow.  We don't get why you have to hear about the game you just watched either.)  Anyway, this allegory for life:  Get out there!   You really have to take your chances, don't you? Because you never know, and it's better to give love away than hide it away and hope.

If you want something, playing it cool may leave you with regrets.  Sometimes, you gotta be the dork!  

There's someone better out there for Reid, but wow, doesn't it hurt to watch someone get their heart broken?  And wasn't it interesting, the comparison of Reid #3 next to the number two, Kiptyn?  Honestly, not sure why but Kiptyn doesn't register on my Richter scale -- I feel like you can't get past the surface with him.  I want to know who he really is and I still don't feel like I have any clue.  As a writer, this bugs me.  I watched Reid's confession to Chris Harrison three times because there was so much to mine there.  

Anyway, a great show.  Jillian is a lucky girl to have so many great men to choose from.  Let's hope they find their loves now too.  I nominate Reid for the next Bachelor.

Oh and a question.  Colleen Coble and I were discussing this.  Do you think the fantasy suite means they sleep together?  Am I just naive because I didn't think that. Are people that easy these days?  I like being ignorant, but at the same time, I'm curious on your opinion.

I'm sure my hubby could tell stories too... but the thing is, he doesn't.

This morning, I had my monthly facial.  I pay for them when I get paid, so neither rain, sleet, snow, nor unemployment can mar my complexion.  

Let me set the scene.  The spa has muted lighting, glass doors, the refreshing sound of a gentle fountain.  I am ZEN baby, okay?  I never take my cell phone into my facial because I know, without question, it will be when my husband calls.  He has the same sixth sense about my eating.  I can go an entire day without putting food into my system, but the minute I lift the fork, that phone rings.  

But today, I thought about this.  I had actual forethought.  I said before I went out the door, "I'll be in the spa from 10 to 11."

"Okay," DH says.  Which, you know, funny me, I take it to mean, I won't bug you.

At 10:30, during the neck massage portion of my facial, the phone rings. "La la la, I can't hear you!"

"Do you want me to get that?" Helen asks.

"No.  I forgot to leave it in the car, darn it. It will stop." 

Ten minutes later. the phone rings again!  Only now, it's more inconvenient.  Helen has left the room, while I "rest" and let the product soak into my skin.  I am flat on my back in my little semi-towel letting my skin soak up the product.  I am Queen Esther.  I am luxuriating.  At the sound of the phone, I bolt upright, but here's the thing: My hands are stuffed in paraffin wax mittens, so I can't really answer the phone.  But as I sit upright, the hot rocks on my accupressure points go flailing and bang, bang, bang.  They're all over the floor and I can't pick them up because I'm handicapped by mittens and goop inside.  Now I'm slightly annoyed.  I've lost my warm rocks, my peace and I can't answer the stupid phone anyway!  Did I mention I was planning to sleep because I was up at 4 a.m. writing?  I'm sure this didn't help my attitude any.

When I get to the car, there are FIVE voice mails.  So when I come home, I ask him, "Did I not say 10 to 11?"
"I forgot." 

Of course he did.  On a happy note, it was for another offer on the house I had to sign by one, but you know, we're talking 30 minutes!  He couldn't give me thirty more minutes?  See Jillian, when engineers have to get something done, they will knock whatever is in their way.  I think I need a new handbag.

I've Seen Your Future, Jillian...

 As I settled in for my "Bachelorette" finale, I had to ward off several children -- who thought it funny to make fun of mom watching "that stupid show".  Finally, I said I'd replay all the kissing scenes twice if they didn't get lost.  And seriously, that's a lot of kissing.  My lips hurt after watching that show.  Jillian is a steadfast macker.  Enough so that it grosses my kids out  --  and they shut up on threat that I need a hug.

I'll admit, I was a Reid fan, but when he shows up in the dorky, mismatched suit with tennis shoes, much less so.  Simply because it looked like he didn't care.  Jillian didn't seem very surprised to see him.

By now, I was rooting for Ed.  Maybe it was the green mankini, or the fact that they showed Kiptyn shirtless with his dangerously sculpted 12-pack, followed by Ed in a shrunken "Lion King" T-shirt with his gut hanging out, as he stands on his balcony.  I thought to myself, who is going to have an espresso and bagel with you on Saturday morning?  Kiptyn has to go lift weights.  And when you have kids?  He's going to be at the gym while you're mashing baby puree.  

I got the distinct impression that Jill's sister didn't think much of Ed.  Which made me like him that much more.  One thing I hope all the guys got out of tonight is that it's better to love and lose than to stay scared and wait around for something better.  I hope we all get that much out of this show, when we sit back and wait for people to come to us, it's not a very loving gesture.

Jillian's slip of the "F" word when saying Ed better not let her down epitomized her feelings for him.  Just as Ed was about to slip the ring on her finger, my husband called out (we're taking my parents RV for our unemployed vacation.  WOOOHOO)  

Anyway, he calls out, "Hey Kristin, do you want to stay at Shasta, or there's a place called "Green Acres".  

Pause the TV.  "Do you mind?"

"Lake Shasta or Green Acres?" he says again.

"There is not a place called Green Acres.  You're making that up."

"There is."

"You're not planning to take me to this place?"

"They have Wireless."

"I have my Blackberry now.  I've learned my lesson."  

(In case you missed our last family drive trip, I swore I'd never go back to the state of Oregon, which was not to blame, just in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Our vacation involved a drive-though Zoo -- I took a picture of a giraffe peeing because I thought it summed up my thoughts/memories of the trip pretty well.  Wireless was the least of my problems.  How my husband managed to find every single motel with a urine stench, I'm still trying to figure out.)  

So it's with mixed emotions that I watch Jillian ride off into the sunset with her engineer.  When I heard her giggle about all the fun they're going to have, I thought, just you wait, girlfriend.  Just you wait.  

  

David Crowder's New Single

So we know I'm David Crowder's oldest groupie, right?  Well, he's coming to Monterey (July 31st for Spirit West Coast) but I'm not good outdoors with the MS, so I'm going to miss this one.  I will be seeing him in September in Sacramento.  The thing I have always loved about David Crowder is that you can hear his passion for the Lord in his songs.  He just connects me to Jesus with a direct line.

Well, recently, I fell in love with Kim Walker (YouTube her -- she is incredible!Kim Walker ) She is also this amazing young woman with so much passion in her heart for Jesus.  The song she sings "How He Loves" is David Crowder's new single.  I have both of them on my iPod, and there's no deciding which version I love better.

My family is planning a trip in my Dad's RV and we're going to hit Kim Walker's Redding, CA church on our way to Mt. Lassen.  I'm so excited.  Today I heard the story behind this song by John Mark McMillan and now I know why it has so much passion.  You can hear it here:

How He Loves

I wouldn't have thought these people existed, but when I was ghostwriting "Facing Terror" by Carrie McDonnall, I had the privilege of reading her husband's 20 journals.  David McDonnall was killed in an attack in Iraq on missionaries.  He truly had such a pure heart, I felt Carrie's loss as if it was my own.  Anyway, thanks to author Julie Carobini's son for turning me onto Kim Walker and another set of youth on fire for Christ.  It's good to know they're out there.  Gives me hope.

And for your entertainment.  Why Twitter will kill you by David Crowder:

David Crowder Why Twitter will kill you

Isn't Jon Gosselin's fifteen minutes over yet?

I'm so tired of seeing this loser in his bad Ed Hardy tattoo clothing with his young "I'm so in love" bimbo hanging off his arm.  Girls, if you're out there.  Please, don't ever announce publicly that you're in love with a married man.  It's beyond bad taste and you're going to get hurt in the end.  It's the same advice I give to women standing by their man in a sex scandal.  Let him take this one for the team.  K?

As a mother of four, I am TICKED at Jon and his loser self.  Do you have any idea what I have to do to go to a writers' conference for a weekend?  How does this loser have time to fly all over the world and keep an apartment in NYC?  Listen, he is divorcing his wife, not his kids.

She's taking the brunt for what a witch she is, but I'm telling you, this guy is without morals and she tried to make him act like a man.  And he can't man-up unless it's to act like an oversexed teenager.  He didn't man-up and get a job.  Then, he whined that she made him do the show.  Hey, here's an idea, go to WORK and she won't make you be on the show.  Take control of your family and she won't have to.  

I realize that marriage takes two, but talk about your underfunctioning husband.  I hope his new girlfriend's daddy plans to support them, because I can't see Ed Hardy's clothing line lasting forever to be their meal ticket.  That's another thing, why do I want to dress like a loser with no job, who abandons his children?  

Not going to be blogging for awhile since I'm moving and finishing up a book, but I will be back for the Bachelorette Finale.  Can't help myself there.

Ooops I did it again...

I watched Miami Social and now I feel dirty.  That show is disgusting, and yet, my mouth is dangling open as I cannot believe there are adults in the world willing to say things like, "You're good.  You're nice to everyone even if they're ugly."  Oh my gosh, what a saint.  Mother Theresa would be so proud.  Oh and this one.  "There's two ugly people here (at the club) but we can't throw them out because it's a birthday party."

Seriously?  

These are ADULTS!  Did they not graduate from the 7th grade?  And quite frankly, I don't think any of the guys are especially hot to be judging everyone else.  Miami, you have got to get this show off the air because it makes you look ridiculous.  I cannot believe everyone in that area is as narcissistic as this show dictates.  And I live in Silicon Valley!  Of course, here the narcissism about being smart, not pretty.  But still!

First off, these singles are way too old to be hanging out in clubs for their main social life.  It's creepy.  Secondly, the childishness is straight out of girly second grade.  Like when George goes and picks up his obviously sleazy girlfriend, whose been in St. Bart's on a yacht, he goes to pick her up at the airport.  Are you stupid?  Are you that desperate?  She's getting paid to be on a yacht.  What do you think that means?  She's not selling real estate like she says.  

Then, he breaks up with her, and shows up at a club with an absolute look-alike.  That night!  Gosh, that was a deep relationship.  Sorry I'm going on and on, but I honestly can't believe there are people this shallow in the world.  And it's not like I'm deep, okay?  But I have graduated past the point where people are their shells.  And you know what?  You will too Miami Social, as you lose even more hair and that gut gets paunchier.  Well, maybe you won't, but you'll lower your standards as reality sets in.

What a horrible life to be "good enough" for these folks. Talk about ugly!

Sigh

Remember when Madonna stunned audiences with her "Like a Prayer" video and stigmata on her hands?  Apparently, Lady Gaga doesn't want to take on Jesus, so she's going with Kermie.  All in the name of pop.  The froggy head on her head bothers me on so many levels.

Bachelorette: Men Tell All

Bachelorette: Men Tell All

So first up, the obligatory rehash of everything that's happened this season.

I missed Ed drunk the first time around.  THAT was hysterical.  Oh my gosh, I want to have my own cocktail party just to invite him for entertainment.  

No wait, I am totally saving this so I can watch Reid hula anytime I'm feeling sad.  If you can watch that without doubling over in laughter, I don't want to know you.  That is painful to watch, I mean better than the ab blaster!  Question: could you marry someone who moved that badly?  I LOVE Reid, but he's like an arthritic monkey having fits. 

Pause:  Bring back Jason and Molly.  Snore.  Yeah, yeah, lucky Molly.  She got the "catch" didn't she?  Oh speaking of which, today on QVC I saw Bachelor Borghese hawking Italian doggy wipes.  And he's STILL a better catch than Jason.  

The M&M team?  I think I just vomited in my mouth a little bit.  When Molly says she'll marry him tomorrow, something doesn't seem quite truthful.  His charity is giving away a trip to New Zealand for a "deserving single parent"?  How about giving them some health insurance, or maid service for a year, rather than a trip that will give them lethal jet lag?

Michael the break dancer.  He's a happy camper.  Everyone should have a Michael in their life.  Jake is still yummy.  Pink was in style back in the day when I was dating my hubby.  Nothing like a man in pink.  I love that there's a new word in our world:  A Mesnick (crying over the railing)  

The guys are fired up!  This is as bad as the bachelor's backstabbing chicks.  Interesting.  One thing I will say for Jillian, she captured these men.  I think Juan is the best-looking on the show.  I hate myself for thinking that. It's sort of like finding Sacha Baron Cohen attractive.  Just feels wrong. 

Angry Dave is talking about the "man code".  Isn't the man code to not tell a woman you can see her *** or tell her she has a great bum?  I guess the man-code applies to others.

It's surprising and sad that so many men today believe in the man-code more than protecting women.  Face it, no matter how feminista we get, there's nothing better than a hero here to rescue us.

I'm still hoping Reid is coming back next week.  I mean, they're just going to let him go without talking about him?  That's not weird or anything.

Crap.  My DVR cut out on the previews for next week.  Fill me in, gals.  What do YOU think will happen?

  

Country Life...

If you thought I disappeared off the face of the earth.  Nope, only in Auburn and it's 104 here, which means the Internet doesn't work.  Don't ask me why the heat has something to do with that, but it does.  And here's another fun thing, when the Internet is down on the weekend, it doesn't go back up until Monday because you know, it would involve actual work to keep the Internet running.  And it's SATURDAY.

Being up here again not only reminds me why I left, but it reminds me why our economy is in such sorry shape.  Most people are simply allergic to work.  I am now remembering the sheer sense of triumph and finding a worker who actually showed up.

So tonight is the Bachelorette Guys Tell All, are we ready?  I just saw the old Bachelor (Borghese, the Italian prince guy) selling dog wipes on QVC.  He was actually cleaning out a mutt's ear with the product and showing me the dirt.  That is nasty.  Definitely shows you that being the most desirable guy in the country is maybe not all that truthful to begin with (can you say Clueless in Seattle?)

The good news is that without the Internet I got a lot of writing done.  :  ) 

Happy People! Filipinos!

So in a recent study, Filipinos were among the happiest people on earth.  Do you think it's all that great food and karaoke?  Most of the countries on the list are Latin -- okay, ask yourself, can you hear Mexican music and not a. crave salsa and b. dance? 

I would have put Iran on that list.  I've never met an Iranian who wasn't happy and appreciative of life.  Of course, that's one person's experience (mine) and they're not in Iran anymore, but I think the Middle East and the Latin countries do "community" so much better than America.  That's why I think we're not there.  Because money doesn't buy happiness, it only gives the illusion of it.  But truly happy people are happy regardless of their circumstances.  

My husband sees the glass as half-full, with a hole leaking from its side.  I have two kids who take after Daddy, and they're both here.  The happy ones are staying with Grandma.  My mom said, "Well, now I know who starts all the trouble."  And it's true because here at this house, it's like no one is gone.  It's loud and whiny. 

So I decided to start a happiness test here at the house.  Like their Mama, my kids are motivated by cold, hard cash.  (It's how I stopped sucking my fingers and dove from the diving board for the first time.)  So I told them if they could go an entire DAY from sunup to sundown without a negative comment or cry, I would give them each $50. 

And when my daughter said, "I hate this station."  I told her, "I love the Disney channel better."  You may not have $50 (I'm going to have to scrounge.)  but this is a great activity for summer.  When one person is positive, it affects everyone around them.  That's why people avoid negative people, or energy suckers.  But are some people genetically prone to be more "Marthas" than "Marys"?

We have a good set of friends where the husband is Mexican and the wife is German.  My husband is German and I'm Italian.  Mike (the other couple's husband) and I always laugh because we're always alone at the table.  Neither one of our spouses can sit down and enjoy themselves, they're always puttering about onto the next thing to get done. It's hysterical.  We always end up at the dinner table alone and laugh.  Like hello?  Are we missing something?

So it's five-thirty and so far, all is quiet on the western front in our happiness test.  There's a caveat too.  They have to be positive to SPEND the money, so we're going to make this a habit.  Just like you train a dog and take the treat away eventually.  LOL

But it is really good to see that these kids do have strong willpower and it's available for the low, low price of $50.