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Bachelor Las Vegas/Nascar Recap

"We're in Las Vegas and we have NO idea where we're going!"

"OH my gosh, it's a HOTEL! What are the chances? A hotel in VEGAS??

First up? One-on-one date with Shawntel. She's from a small town, which is nothing like Vegas. I"m sorry, but I think Chico is a lot like Las Vegas -- without the lights. They go on a high-end shopping spree. Brad tries on a Willy Wonka jacket. Shawntel picks a winner of a dress and has bags and bags of loot. That's a consolation prize. I could go home with that.

Michelle is talking now when Shawntel arrives with the bags and bags o stuff. A Fendi bag. Really? With Brad in real life, could he afford a Coach? I mean, no biggie on the money issue, only that it's easy to throw money around when your date is sponsored.

Brad traded the purple jacket for a purple tie. Wise move. I'm getting a little tired of Brad's depth talk about how he has to focus on this "one relationship" right now when he's macking on whoever he's with. It's hard to believe he's utterly sincere, is it not? Brad's far too comfortable being a player in my humble opinion.

Now he and Shawntel are on the roof. Shawntel, a funeral director, is eating as she talks about replacing blood with chemical. I have to say, if he doesn't pick her, she is definitely my favorite for the Bachelorette. The fact that he makes it through the date, laughs readily and hands her the rose, scores some points for Brad.They kiss under the fireworks. Not bad after telling a guy how you mold a human face.

The group date is next and Ashley & Ashley have the two-on-one, which makes Michelle gleeful. And...wait for it...they're racing Nascar cars. Nascar in Vegas. Pass me some pork rinds.

So far, Chantal seems like a natural. Doesn't her daddy own a car dealership? As we mentioned last week, it's pretty cold to Emily. My son just came in and said, "This is so messed up!" He's 12. Why can't ABC figure it out? Seth also asked, "How does Bachelor get a budget? This show sucks!" LOL No one is shy of an opinion in my house.

We now find out that Emily's former fiance crashed at the Vegas track and that ended his career. Seriously, whoever planned this date with her on it, is a sociopath. A total and complete sociopath. I hope the drama they tried to pass onto Emily bites 'em in the bum! Chris Harrison claims this was all planned before they knew her history or that she was a contestant. Yeah, I've got some land to sell you Chris.


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Now we're back at the hotel and Brad asks for more private time with Emily. So a catfight ensues. Chantal sees the best in Brad and I love her. Now Brad is freaking out over Emily's baggage and we get the whole sincere Brad discussion with the camera again. I think I just vomited a little. Brad's intimidated by the dead racecar driver.

Next girl up is crying. "It's hard to feel special." Brad's sincerity is really starting to get on my nerves. Anybody else?

Son Seth: "This show is lame."

Chantal let the love comment slip. I really love the two of them together. He can't take his eyes off her and he doesn't try that bull "I understand, it's hard" stuff with her.

Ashley the dentist and Ashley the nanny are going to "swing with the king."

Seth says, "The King? Narcissist!" Oh my gosh, he is so my kid. He's doing his homework behind me and just listening.

Michelle steals him away on the group date and says, "Brad is a man babysitting a bunch of little girls." She has some strong man energy. Is it just me? Brad says he has a way of making him forget everything -- dude, that's called hormones.

He gives Emily the rose. I think this is a bad call and they walk away holding hands. Have some class! More deep, inner Brad thoughts. Gag. Brad looks puffed up, like if you pressed his muscles, it would leave a dent.

Seth again, "How can you blog on this? Even you know it's crap or you wouldn't be laughing." Just because something is complete and utter garbage doesn't mean it isn't enjoyable.

Two on one date. This should be psycho and fun. We're going to be in..."Viva Elvis! Cirque du Soleil" Okay, seeing them twirl about the ceiling, is anyone thinking of the Ashley Vegas wedding at the end of "What a Girl Wants" -- Patrice and Junien live!

Ashley the Nanny has some good inner thoughts about how she needs her confidence. There is a reason I have never been to the Vegas strip and I think we're seeing it here tonight.

Brad and Ashley the dentist are now flying with robotic, ballet moves to Elvis music. It is not pretty. Change scene to romantic dinner for three. And the rose goes to...Ashley the dentist. Ashley the Nanny is good people. You go, girl. To be dumped on the Vegas Strip feels especially caustic, does it not? At least she gets a limo and not a bus. Lord, I hope we don't have to sit through the "performance."

I love how deeply Brad misses girl number one, and he's over it by the time he's back in the restaurant. We have to sit through the performance. Come on, it would have been cooler to go to the Barry Manilow show. And then, I would have enjoyed myself! Brad is now in camouflage tights. No one needs to see that. Now I know why people drink in Vegas. I would definitely need a goldfish bowl of margaritas to make it through that show.

We have limo crying!!

Now he's calling his therapist because when Brad sees that women are getting emotionally attached, his first reaction is to close down (ie., not mack with anyone and everyone.) So he calls for some mental Viagra and he's all fired up and ready to let the girls take their lumps again. Brad is like his own personal Jesus. He's SO over the guilt after a brief second of repentance.

Psychologist: Make yourself vulnerable. Producer behind the psychologist: Give him some psychobabble that makes it's okay to kiss everyone. There is STRENGTH in his vulnerability, don't let their silly tears and sobbing fool you. It's about being VULNERABLE, BRAD!

Cocktail party: Brad is worried about Chantal being a drama queen. Not Michelle, Chantal. This guy is dumb as a rock. He tells her she has to stop giving her so much crap Really? Sometimes, honey, people give you crap because you need a good slap.

Now he's making Ali feel special by giving her dessert. Michelle looks like she's going to kill someone -- you know, I'm thinking Michelle may be right. Maybe she IS the woman for Brad. Now Brad is trapped in a room with Michelle in her Zebra dress. Growl! Dude, you are safer on safari than with this chick. Get a CLUE!

I get why Brad likes Michelle. She talks slowly to him. She tells him what to do. That makes Brad feel smart. He likey.

Shawntel, Emily & Ashley have roses, so they're "safe." There are still people in that line who probably should have gone home on night one. He picks Michelle first. Chantal looks like she's going to cry because she might be discovering the man she likes may not be all that bright. Ali is next. Okay, I know it could be editing, but tell me Ali was not more of a drama queen than Chantal.

Who's Britt? She got a rose.

Jackie. Another drama queen. I'm beginning to think he doesn't understand the meaning of that phrase. Maybe to Brad, drama queen translates to "she doesn't believe that I'm strong and vulnerable because I am forcing myself to kiss everyone!"

He picks Chantal last and she tells him, "You're killing me" I am not liking that he punishes girls by saving them for last if they didn't "act right" toward him. That does not bode well for marriage. Punishers are HORRIBLE people to live with -- they essentially play God.

Marissa?? is going home. She gets the taxi. Cold.

You know, I'd be happier leaving Vegas with a Fendi bag than Brad. Just sayin -- Next week: Costa Rica. And then South Africa. I hope Michelle brings her zebra outfit.


Downton Abbey Finale


Downton-005

What did you all think of the finale? I have to say, I was disappointed. I know they're working on a second season, but I thought it ended entirely too abruptly and with too many storylines unfinished. It ended like a bad literary novel. Which may have been the point, since I can't wait for the next season. And I did like that it ended with World War I and the thought that their world would not only be shifted, but never the same again.

I did love the drama of last night's episode though and especially O'Brien's guilt. Could she be a changed woman? I love how something great changed all these characters in deep ways -- like Edith telling on her sister. Ugh, her character! And Mary's character growing from her mistake. Well done. But get BUSY BBC!


A Billion Reasons Why Review

"...Kristin Billerbeck could write an article about toothpaste and it would be fascinating and enjoyable."

http://www.titletrakk.com/book-reviews/a-billion-reasons-why-review-billerbeck.htm


This is one I had to share. Tomorrow is the official release date of "A Billion Reasons Why" and I'll start my radio interviews on Wednesday. If you're in the Albuquerque, NM area, tune into KDAZ on the AM dial (730) at 11 a.m. PST to hear moi. That way if I mess up, you can email me that it wasn't that bad and provide encouragement. Because that's just the kind of person you are. : )


KarenKristin

From the last post, here's editor Karen Watson and myself waiting for the Indiana Jones' ride at Disneyland.


Who are you, really? Check your inbox!

If you're going through some kind of life crisis...if you're wondering what it's all about. What's your destiny? There's a simple way to define yourself. Look at your inbox. Your friends and family definitely know who you are. Scan that email and see if it doesn't connect the dots and tell a tale.

Here's some of mine just this morning:

A Facebook friend (my best friend from high school) emailed me that we needed to get together, it had been too long. (I was voted Floor Ghost in my college dorm.) Message: I WORK TOO MUCH & DON'T MAKE ENOUGH TIME FOR FRIENDS.

One of my editors who went to Disneyland with me wrote me this morning with a link to Legos depicting famous movie scenes. Apparently, I made her go into the Lego Store while we were at Disneyland since my sons are such avid collectors. Message: Not only am I childish, I expect others to be as well.

Ss-110118-lego-movies-the-good-bad-ugly-combo.ss_full

By far, the best way to tell who you are is to look up the jokes people send you. Because what you think is funny, defines you. Here's just one from this morning:

Dear Taylor Swift,

If it is of any interest to you, Romeo and Juliet both kill themselves in the end.

Sincerely, Shakespeare

Message: I love irony. And I have a sick sense of humor. (This was a nice one.) I also got pics of Colin Firth winning his SAG award because I am Darcy-obsessed and you know what? It's all good. What does your email say about you? If your friends set you up on a date, would they get you?

P.S. I finished Smitten, so that's why I was quiet all weekend. : )


Wag More, Bark Less

Still in Starbucks and this guy is here with his family. He literally threw a fit about a hot chocolate. I don't know what it was about, I'm wearing earphones, but I know from body language and the tone of his voice, it was WAY too angry to get over a hot chocolate. Drunk-driving, losing your job, maybe. A hot chocolate? No.

He gets into it with the barista, who brings out the store policy to show him she'd followed protocol. (Again, about what, I don't know.) But the whole energy in my comfortable room changed as he yelled and the woman cowered and his kids looked on. Afterwards, he's trying to make himself feel righteous as he and his wife relive his viewpoint. But he can't see what I see. That he has totally ruined his day and lifted his blood pressure over a trivial matter that will make no difference in his life whatsoever.

We all have so much energy to give to the world. This reminds me to make mine as joyful as possible because a. anger doesn't look good and b. it doesn't feel good. Happy energy feels good and it radiates in a good way. Not a way where people avoid you like the plague. Just sayin'


Wet_dogs

BTW, he's still yammering about it after all this time it took me to write the blog. I need some fairy dust!


I'm a Creature of Habit!

Do you do the same rituals every day? On the weekends, I head to Starbucks to write and this is SO bad, I walk in and I can say hello by name to most of the patrons (who are clearly also creatures of habit.) Today, I met a regular's wife and she was SO fantastic and we had so much in common. She has lived my parallel life in Jewish form. So cool.

But here's the funny part of today. I walked in and my table was taken and I got all flummoxed and a guy in the corner gets up, comes over to me and says, "I'm leaving soon. Do you want my table?"

He gets it! He gets my little world has been rocked. How sad is that? We discussed which tables we like the best and why. It's like an OCD support group!

I'm going to finish Smitten here today, so it was important I have my little table with the plug and I did all my talking early, so now I can get started. I forgot about the fact that they ask me when I walk in, "Iced Doppio or Iced Soy Mocha today?"

It's really bad when they know your name and BOTH of your orders. Maybe you think I need a life. Maybe I do need a life, but I'm happy in my little habitual world. Life is good.


What's your deal-breaker? Millionaire Matchmaker

I was watching Millionaire Matchmaker yesterday. I'm glad you all told me to watch for a "happier" version of the show. There was a marathon that taped yesterday and I had a kid home, so that was my lunch hour. One of the shows was a Romance Novel model with a Cinderella complex and PJ, a Peter Pan wannabe who lulls the day away at the beach.

PJ likes to play all day and has enough money to do so. PJ was not hard on the eyes after they cleaned him up, but I realized that kind of guy is my nightmare. No job. No purpose. No one likes to play more than me, but people need purpose. I can't imagine that PJ can change a lightbulb or put the closet door back on its rails. To me, that's like dating a toddler.


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PJ took his date wake-boarding. Which Patti said was a definite no-no, no checking out the goods in a bikini on a first date. Of course, being a defiant child, he couldn't listen to that. He actually picked appropriately for his age and she looked hot in a bikini, so no worries. But his date didn't want to wake-board. So PJ took this as a moment to get out and show off. Have you ever been on a date like that? Where the guy was like, look at me, look at me! Too high maintenance. I don't care how much money a guy has, without purpose, wouldn't he get bored of his playmates? PJ was very charming as most little boys are, and he was polite to his date, so I'm glad there's someone out there for everyone.

What's your deal-breaker?

For me, it's a purpose. A job, get one.


Does it bother you to eat alone?

Last night, the kids and I went out to eat. There was a woman sitting near us, and eating alone. Here was my thought: Poor woman, she's got to eat next to me and my monkeys. My kids were trained early in restaurants, but my oldest is in that "look at me" teen phase and has to be the life of the party.

When we got home, my daughter said, "Mom, did you see that woman eating alone?"
I told her, I had.
"That makes me sad."

RestaurantFunArticle

I asked her why and I told her I like to go out to eat by myself. I like to go to the movies by myself. Maybe the woman liked it too. I asked my daughter if that would bother her to eat alone, and she nearly cried that it would. And here I was thinking this poor woman would have had quiet if not for my family and we probably annoyed her.

Does it bother you to eat alone in a restaurant? Will you go to the movies by yourself?