Giving People the Benefit of the Doubt...

Maybe Dr. Phil, who considers the world a darker place than it was, would consider me naive. A victim waiting to happen. However, as a writer, I always look for motivation. WHY did someone do something? Before I judge and throw my two cents in, I look to the root cause. Because without motivation, it's hard to make anything believable in fiction.

Reading this week's people, I was struck by the judgment in the letters to the editor. One writer judged Whitney Houston's mother Cissy for writing a book so soon...she is "dismayed by her family's efforts to capitalize on the singer's death."

Really? You think her mother wanted to make a buck on Whitney and that's why she wrote a book? You don't think maybe she's processing her pain and grief and writing about her journey helped?

Another writer said "The photo of Britney Spears out on her rounds was appalling. She was unkempt and hanging out on top. She is a star and should try to be more ladylike in public."

Britney is clearly unstable. Most likely, bipolar. The fact that she gets out of bed most days is probably a win for her. Not to mention Britney is coming off of a broken heart. Let's give her a break. I mean, do you look like a ten every time you go to the grocery store?

Do you ask yourself the reason someone acts a certain way before you attach motive?

All the ways of a man are clean in his own sight, But the LORD weighs the motives. Proverbs 16:2

In other words, we really can't know people's motives by their actions, so we should be careful here.

Comments

[katie]

Oh I think you have the right idea, not Dr. Phil. Because my oldest struggles with some of these issues we've had to learn a lot about not so pleasant behavior out of people. It's given us good teaching moments - learning to look for reasons behind crazy behavior. Allowing us to at least try to stop and think about how that person might be suffering with massive burdens and how we should pray for them no matter how hard that may be at the moment. Yes, we're all sinners and fall short of the glory of God. Save the judgement for Him and show His love and grace instead. Hard to do sometimes. You never know what people may be battling in their souls.

[Tony]

I liked that quote you had a while about about we judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions. For me it helps give grace when someone said some something dumb, most likely because it came out badly (not that I have not done that myself LOL).
I don't see any issue with the book. Most of the funerals I have been at the close friends and family have been eager to tell that persons story. The book just gives them a wider audience.

[Kristin Billerbeck]

I just saw Nate Berkus on Oprah and he lost his love in the tsunami, but I wrote down how he described the guy. Everyone would want to be known and loved for who they are, and I think this is perfect:

"..was audacious, and complicated and spontaneous and sophisticated and charismatic, demanding, graceful, volatile, extravagant and occasionally impossible."

I love how there's so much to one personality and he captures it.