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December 2014
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February 2015

The Super Bowl is a Football Game!!

A few people asked me this week what I'm doing for the Super Bowl. Here's what I know about the Super Bowl.

1. It's not the World Cup -- I watched that.
2. Tom Brady has deflated balls or some such nonsense.
3. The Seahawks are in it again, and they annoy me because they play dirty IMHO.
4. I like the commercials.
5. I have no idea what team Tom Brady is on or who is playing the Seahawks.
6. I know that GoDaddy.com is in trouble for supporting puppy mills and had to pull their commercial. Which I'm doubting had anything to do with puppy mills, but the mass hysteria has broken.
7. I don't even know who is performing, so I'm going to guess it's not a favorite.
8. Silicon Valley doesn't seem to care. As I watched a peloton of cyclists zoom past me yesterday wearing some kind of techie camera on their backs and weird, Google-type goggles on their faces, I'm going to assume, they are unaware of the football game either. They are certainly unaware than in any other part of the country, they'd probably get their bums kicked for being so geeky. So I will not be alone.


Does anyone else get the heebie-jeebies at the "50 Shades of Grey" trailer?

I know I'm probably alone in this because people seem to love that book. But that commercial just creeps me the heck out!! First off, the gal in the movie is a CHILD and so thinking of her as sexy feels wrong in every way.

And then, when that guy says his interests are "more singular" and you know he's into all the funky sex toys. Yuck. I need a bath. I'm sure it will do gangbusters and that the wine tab before the event will be high. But yeah, I'll stay home with an old favorite instead.


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RIP to one of the greats: Colleen McCullough

I'm heartbroken this morning. Colleen McCullough's book "The Thorn Birds" is a masterpiece that changed my life. Honestly. I read it every two years at least -- and I never tire of it. She was a master at the family saga. I knew she had been sick, but she'd come out with a book not too long ago, so I'd hoped we would see more.


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I love that she called the miniseries of her book "The Thorn Birds" -- "DOG VOMIT" because it wasn't anything like the book. It was a great story -- and come on, Richard Chamberlain AND Christopher Plummer!!! But it wasn't the book. It was a much lighter, prettier, 80's version. And while I loved it, it didn't do the book justice. It was a cheesy romance -- and there is nothing wrong with a cheesy romance, but that wasn't her book. Her book was a masterpiece.


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She will always be the author I admire the most and wish I could aspire to. My dog is named Fiona after the mother in "The Thorn Birds." She was a brilliant writer and I love how mouthy she was -- both on the page and in her real, larger-than-life personality. May she rest in peace.

Read the article on how brilliant she was. She was trained at Yale in neurology and had to abandon her medical career for neuroscience because of an allergy to surgical soap.

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Fiona, my homage to one of the greats...


The New #Ghostbusters

I just heard that song yesterday on the radio. Ray Parker, Jr. you are the man!! But this year, it's all about the women. Because the new Ghostbusters are women. And they are directed by a great man, Paul Feig -- who I have loved since "Freaks & Geeks" -- the man has my sick sense of humor, so I am very excited about the new Ghostbusters.


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You've got your Kristen Wiig, Leslie Jones, Melissa McCarthy & Kate McKinnon. I'm sort of excited. I mean, we all know I love a good ghost story!


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Oh, and I just have to say, the remaining Ghostbusters who are still with us, need to make a cameo appearance!


Say "Yes" to MY Dress!

I'm helping my friend wedding dress shop. The problem is, she has a completely different style than I do, and while I'm still very helpful styling a friend with the opposite taste, I'm VERY glad my daughter has my girly/romantic sense and one day, I will be able to dress her as I like to see a bride dressed.

I'm not a big fan of sexy wedding gowns. I really like them feminine and girly and as romantic as a Jane Austen novel. I find most women are more straight-forward without all the frou-frou. Romantic Suspense readers vs. Jane Austen classic readers. I love Monique Lhuilllier:


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And maybe a little Lazaro:


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Granted, I probably wouldn't wear them as an older bride -- but who knows?? If I wanted to, why not? Anyway, at this rate, I told her she'll be in a Pnina gown before we know it. And just...no.


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I know she'll look fabulous whatever she wears, but only a great friend can call you a prude while you call her a sleaze -- and still shop with you. I know her gown will look like neither of these, but it is really fun picking them out...

Where do you stand on the bridal scale? Girly and romantic being a 10 and a skintight bandaid dress being a 1. : )


Can't we test for sociopaths somehow? #Vandenburg

Granted, I'm no psychiatrist, only an armchair quarterback, but this Vandenburg kid, the football player found GUILTY of rape today, is a piece of work.

First off, he was smart enough to get into Vanderbilt -- or at least he played football well enough to get into Vanderbilt. But what he did borders on psychotic. He took someone who trusted him, who dated him and degraded her in every way possible, then he chucked her out in the hallway like she was someone's trash.


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To me, this guy is not fixable. I think the other one found guilty today gets it. He's still a pig, but he gets it. He feels remorse. I wonder if Vandenburg is capable of it, and that makes me ask the question, can't we test for sociopathy? These people should never be released into the world. They are monsters in human skin.

This guy's father had an outburst in court when the verdict was read. Mr. Drama Queen. How about some of that emotion when you're watching the VIDEO of your son raping a young coed? The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, I suppose.


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I get it. He's upset. His son is not the football star any longer, he's going away for a good, long time. But in ALL honesty if one of my sons did this horrific crime, I'd be more concerned that they thought they should be found innocent. I'd know something was not right in their head. That is far more worrisome than a drunken incident. Which this wasn't. I'm sorry, but countless college students have been drunk before. They did not gang rape a woman and humiliate her in every fashion.

FYI, you can't take a knife and murder someone and be found innocent because you are drunk, so why would they even think they were innocent? The whole thing boggles the mind.

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But one thing is for sure, this country has an EXTREME problem with worshipping athletes. Do you think of Ray Rice clocked some innocent woman who wasn't his wife -- and then dragged her by the hair around a hotel lobby, he'd be walking free?

And I want to take some time to say, well done to the victim. For her to be so brave and sit through that trial facing her accusers -- big, burly football players who raped her -- is simply amazing. She incurred every type of ugly criticism when she brought charges against these creeps. I can't wait to see what she accomplishes in the world!


#TheBachelor Recap

The group date is...at a lake. And let me tell you, it's like watching paint dry. Only there are half-naked chicks in your way. My daughter says I should not use this word cuz I'm too old, but this is a ratchet Bachelor. With the sheer amount of commercials, I wonder why the budget is so pathetic. Tractor races in LA...farm games at the park...and now a picnic at a lake. If I was dating him, I'd be like, DUDE, can't you afford a restaurant? Enough with the cheap dates already! I mean, if it was one-on-one, where they could talk, fine. But with a bevy of other lovelies? Spend some money!

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Meanwhile, back at the mansion, Chris' three sisters are there to pick the next one-on-one. Britt is confident she's the front-runner. Jade gets selected. She's going to the Ball -- read: We're getting a commercial for the new "Cinderella" movie. Again, Bachelor is not paying for a date.


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The rest of the poor group date, is STILL on this dang lake and now they're camping. Nothing makes me feel sexier than spending all day sweating at the lake. Yuck. Kelsey is totally me. Everyone is calling her fake because she's complaining about camping. Yeah, because she's tiny and girly and she doesn't want to sleep in filth. She want a bath! I hear you, Kelsey. You go girl! Let them call you fake.

Mackensie is there talking about aliens. Maybe they'll beam her up and improve the odds. Meanwhile, Ashley S is back to her crazy talk, and really needs medication in my opinion. At the same time, camping can do that to the best of people. She tells him that she loves him. As I'm sure she loves pink unicorns and Willy Wonka.

Katelyn gets the rose on the first date, but sadly, she's so drunk she can't fully appreciate it. Because she's CAMPING!!!

Ashley I. sneaks into Chris' tent, to let him know that she's a virgin and never had a boyfriend. He's half-asleep. Dating tip: Guys love it when you wake them up with pertinent information! LOL

The battle of the virgins is just weird. Producer fail! As is the black box following Jillian's behind.

Virgin #1 (Ashley I) is not happy about not being Cinderella and we're going to hear about it. As I'm sure everyone else will when she's lamenting how she didn't end up with Chris. All because of the Cinderella date GONE WRONG!

A fairy godmother with pink hair shows up with an Ipad to show our Cinderella, Jade, a clip of the new movie. All the gowns are gorgeous and there are sparkly Valentino shoes, but she picks some ghastly gown. She does get to keep the Neil Lane Earrings and Louboutin lucite shoes though, so all-in-all probably better than a life in Iowa with Chris.

But the dress! I mean, seriously!


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Back at the house, Ashley I gets into a prettier, sparklier dress and shows what she would have worn had she been on the RIGHT date. Instead, she's eating corn on the cob in her Cinderella gown.

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Jade, on the REAL Cinderella date, gets her rose and a symphony. While clips of Cinderella play on the screen. It's awkward and these two have no chemistry that I can see.

Group date: In six wedding dresses. They get on a plane and land locally (Bay Area) and they're going to MuckFest MS. I almost did this this year, so I'm bummed now that I didn't. Yes, get in your wedding dresses and raise awareness for the 2.3 million who fight MS daily!!! (Waving!)


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This is the kind of cheap date, I am all for! Winner gets a date in San Francisco with Chris. Jillian is hardcore -- and by the way, though I'm glad they're raising money for MS, this is also incredibly boring to watch.

For the San Francisco date, they're at the top of the Fairmont, and there is just no more incredible view. I just love the Fairmont. So many great moments there! Tony Bennet once said hi to me in the lobby. How cool is that? It's cooler than this crappy date, trust me.


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Jillian is a hardcore trainer girl and I feel like she has more testosterone than Chris. She is VERY aggressive in her conversation. Chris says her words come out faster than he can process. I can believe that. Jillian talks like a guy, she asks a crude, "would you rather" question and Chris doesn't answer. He just points out the rose and lets her know she's not getting it. Jillian is not used to losing and so it doesn't go well. You can't muscle your way through love. Find a juicehead like you, Jillian, you'll be fine!

I'm SOOO glad I read a book instead of watched this last night. What a snorefest.

I forward through all the cocktail party drama. Going home? No clue. I don't know these girls.


#TheBachelor this morning!

I fell asleep reading. Okay, I have a teenage daughter who is gone this week on a school trip and so that means I can read...because she isn't talking incessantly. I think I've read two books in full since she's been gone (Sunday night.)

Don't think I'm just yukking it up though, I welled-up with tears upon hearing "Night Changes" by One Direction this morning.

So I hope "The Bachelor" was good last night. I did watch "Vanderpump Rules" and to answer a Tweeter question, yes, I think he cheated on Ariana.


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What I don't understand is why today's women fall for such girly men. Tom is one of those metrosexuals so popular today. But yes, when he recognized Miami girl, he cut and ran from his job mid-shift to find an Uber car, yeah, he was guilty. Kristen may be bat-crazy, but that doesn't make Tom innocent.


I know I'm getting older, but today's movie stars are boring...

I've been reading "People" magazine since I was ten. But I've realized if it has a picture of a "star" on it lately, I couldn't care less. This week is Jennifer Lopez (I may be behind, we've already established I'm not good with the mail.)


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I like J. Lo. I think she's beautiful, but I don't really CARE what's going on in her life, let's be honest. Do you think that's the over-saturation effect of social media? Not that I pay any attention to her there either. I'm just not interested.

But last week was the husband of Brittany Maynard, who was at the forefront of the right-to-die movement, when she moved from California to Oregon to end her life before terminal brain cancer did. His story was amazing. I mean, regardless of how you feel about the subject, and I'm sorry, but that's a hard one. When you have a chronic illness, or a mentally challenged family member, this slippery slope and playing God, is scary. But at the same time, I've watched way too many people struggle at the end from terminal cancer and it is excruciating. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, much less someone I loved.


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The story, and his love for his wife was fascinating. Regardless of the argument and political battle, this man is grieving terribly and his wife was SO filled with life. She really inspired me to live more in the present. We do not know how long we get. The whole article was great.

So what do you think? Are movie stars just less interesting? Or am I just getting older and annoyed by the culture of celebrity? All I know is if I see one more article on George Clooney and that poor young woman he got to marry him, I will vomit. He is not a catch ladies He's used!

I will say I heard Brad Goreski say on Fashion Police that following Paris Hilton on Instagram was one of life's great pleasures, so I started following her. Remember how Barbie had everything? Well, Paris really has everything, and her Instagram is fascinating. While I have no desire to live her jet set life, I do love watching her do live big.

She's currently in Bali, and this pool is in her room. How great is that?


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My "Free" Day

So my daughter is gone to Yosemite with a school trip. Essentially, I'm free. Unless the boys need to eat, they are pretty self-sufficient. And of all things, getting all the tax info ready yesterday, I found a long, lost check for royalties. So I was planning to get a pedicure. No plans. Just a pedicure. Doesn't that sound lovely? I know, right?

But my name is Kristin. I write Chick Lit. I'm God's sit-com. This is not how the day is going to go. On Wednesday, I had to go stand in that horrible line to register my daughter for school. You know the one where they assume that no one actually lives in Cupertino and we're all cheating the system? The one that requires you to bring the following -- original and copies.
1. California Driver's License or Passport
2. Current Vehicle Registration
3. Current Original Tax Bill or Rental Agreement
4. Your Child's Birth Certificate

Keep in mind, this is a state that doesn't want you to have to prove you are who you say you are to vote. But if you want to play soccer or get into school, you'd better be organized!!

Instead of my free day, I learn that I have to register the JUNIOR with all these items, TODAY.

So today, I will be schlepping all my paperwork to school. Sure, I could go get a pedi now, but you'll agree, it's lost something in translation at this point. It has turned into a kind of "Fun with the DMV" day.