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Summer of Thrillers: #Conjuring2 #TheShallows

First off, I love Lorraine Warren and her husband, Bill.  They were the only people outside of Catholic Priests who could perform exorcisms.  The Conjuring movies are based on their work.  I'm sure it's loosely based, but whatever, I love them because I know good triumphs over evil and I love hearing Jesus' Name as the answer to evil.  How many horror movies offer that?  Maybe "The Exorcist" does, but I've never seen that movie, nor will I.  I know the stories of the Conjuring movies from reading and from the BBC production of "The Endfield Haunting." 

No one would go see it with me.  I whined to my son Jonah (who is in Japan.)  The last time, his best friend's girlfriend went with me.  This time, he arranged for his friend from the foothills to come down and babysit me.  What was funny is that when we got in there to see it, there were about 20 people in the theater, and they were all bunched together.  Like, NO ONE wanted to sit alone in that movie, so I felt better about enlisting Chris.  I also prayed over him and myself before we went in, but I didn't tell him that.  I did have to lean over and tell him that Bill Warren doesn't die until later in life, so he was safe.  After that, he calmed down.  

But it was scary.  For me, it was much scarier than the first one, but I loved it.  I could have done without the violence from the first story (Amityville Horror) but I closed my eyes for that part. Is that a spoiler?  I hope not, but that part was dark.  I do love that at the end of the "Conjuring" movies, you get to see pictures (and this time, hear tapes) of the real people and case.  It's fascinating, and it upsets your world just that much more before you leave the theater.

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Then, today my daughter forced me to see "The Shallows."  She literally would not let up and allow me to work, so I finally went to the first showing of the shark movie.  It was stupid, but it was fun, too.  I don't regret going.  Some great jump scares.  I close my eyes whenever I see blood, so if there was some ugly scenes, I can't tell you.  I can tell you that Blake Lively looks amazing in a bikini and her shark has evolved to the point of being a fantasy super villain.  But still, it was fun. An excellent delivery system for popcorn.

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FYI, the worst part of seeing any scary movie for me, is the trailers.  They're terrifying, and I don't want to be terrified by movies that I will not see.

Now, I'm ready to go back to my regularly-scheduled life of BBC costume productions.  BTW, Frances O'Connor, who is my favorite "Madame Bovary" was the mother in "The Conjuring 2."  Added bonus -- apparently, she could have met the family involved, but didn't want it to taint her performance, so she didn't.  

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She's also Fanny in "Mansfield Park." 

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#Bachelorette in Buenos Aires, Argentina Recap

We're in the home of the tango -- with the most boring Bachelorette.  Should be sizzling.

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WELLS ONE-ON-ONE

Wells has the first one-on-one and he admits, he's probably the one guy who hasn't kissed JoJo -- and the guys are in shock.  I mean, WHO HASN'T KISSED HER?  And why doesn't this bother the rest of the guys?  They're discussing how he'll have to get over his awkwardness and kiss her.  Um, dudes, you're dating this girl.  Why are you strategizing how to get Wells to kiss your woman?  

They go to some weird, lewd see-through swimming circus and just when Wells is about to make his move, two half-naked chicks swim on the window over them. In the suspended kiddie pool.  Okay then.This is like one of those weird dinner theaters in Japan.  They're sitting in the pool for their first kiss and all I would think of is, "Is someone checking out my *&*^ while I kiss Wells?"  Luckily, JoJo does not have my issues.  She sends her arms in the air to claim victory as they have kissed. 

At dinner, Wells tells her that there was no romance in his last relationship so they parted.  She's still thinking about that unicorn moment and he's too practical.  So he's going bye-bye. 

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Meanwhile, the guys back at the house called it.  

GROUP DATE: Luke, James, Alex, Robby, Jordan

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Its only appropriate that they play soccer in Argentina on the day that Lionel Messi through a tantrum and quit the Argentina team.  Somebody has to play. The locals want to see a playoff for a kiss.  JoJo seems pretty safe at this point. Robby tried to pay off the goalie off. I have to appreciate that. We're hearing all about James' self-esteem issues as he narrates the date for us. 

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After dinner, Luke gets the first quiet time.  He's so handsome and he's a good person.  So I have no doubt in my mind that JoJo will not pick him.  But she does let us know she's running out of words to describe their passion.  Which is good because she doesn't come up for air to offer actual words.

 James uses his time to continue overanalyzing and call out Jordan for being the Olivia/Chad who is left.  Famewhore basically.  So rather than wait and watch, JoJo runs straight to Jordan and tells him everything. Does she really think that Jordan, if he is a jerk, is going to tell her the truth?  She buys his story hook, line and sinker.  I can not with her.  Just pick Jordan and let the rest of these poor blokes go home. 

Jordan confronts James immediately.  I hope James is coming to the conclusion that maybe JoJo is not good enough for him.  Because she's not in my opinion.  She's going to be the kind of girl a guy cheats on, and quite frankly, it's because she sees what she wants to see.  Okay, I'm sorry.  I think I'm  done with this season.

Luke gets the rose.  This. Is. Awkward. JoJo is just all about the physical.  She needs to go play the field for a while.  She needs to be a female Shep from "Southern Charm" for awhile. 

TWO-ON-ONE WITH DEREK & CHASE -- the TANGO

So the whole point of the tango is to feel the passion and show it through dance.  Unfortunately, we've got two white men here and there is no throwing around JoJo in the heat of passion.  It's as if you can see the counting the steps on their lips.  It's like Tangoing with Sheldon Cooper.  Chase stays.  Derek goes. No one cares. (My daughter just told me I'm heartless so take my opinion with a grain of salt.)

COCKTAIL PARTY

Jordan feeds JoJo a line of crap to save his skin.  He sees the person I want to fall in love with...that I am falling in love with -- nope still not enough.  I want to wake up everyday and fall more in love with you.  I don't know.  I just don't buy it from Jordan. I just find him too arrogant and not genuine.  What do you think? 

James got a confidence boost with a passionate kiss, so he thinks he'll get a rose. 

STAYING:

Robby, Jordan, Alex, James

GOING HOME: 

NO one who hasn't already gone home tonight.  The most uneventful rose ceremony ever. 


Yes Summer!

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Sorry I've been so silent, but I've been in the throes of summer.  I've been writing!  (Usually, while my daughter takes care of her p/t horse.) There's a hiking trail nearby, so I try to exercise and pray that I do not see a mountain lion close-up.  I told a friend recently that they never come out during the day, but rather at dusk. Then, they had a local park closed because one was hanging out in the tree on the very day I took her hiking.  (She hasn't signed up to go again -- go figure!)

My friend's husband is a ranger at the park where I hike and he captured this photo.  Looks like daytime to me.  They're so beautiful.  I simply don't want to meet up with one alone on the trail. Since most of my friends could probably outrun me, I don't want to see one while with someone either.

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I've been fostering a kitten since yesterday.   My son lives in a town with a kill shelter and so he brought him home.  His temporary name is "Tiberius" and Spartacus hates him with a passion.  As does Fiona my dog, but Tiberius is sweet as pie and v. cuddly.  He's like a mink stole -- likes to cuddle in the crook of your neck. And he's quiet, unlike Spartacus -- who has to be the loudest cat on the planet.

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I think he looks like a lemur. Do you NEED a kitten so that I don't become a pet hoarder?

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Anyway, I'm seeing the world through my new rose colored glasses.  Thanks to Maui Jim and an Amazon credit that appeared.

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Anyway, I hope your summer is going well. If not, it's time for a reset.  Go listen to David Crowder's new song:

 

And don't forget tonight is the reunion for "Southern Charm" -- or as I like to call it, my Copa America! Superbowl and Basketball Finals all rolled into one amazing night!

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#RHONY -- I love @JulesWainstein @Andy @bravoTV

Rumor has it that Jules may be out next season, and this irritates me.  Seriously, I do not see the point of Carol on the show.  She is insanely boring -- as most writers would be.  Not judging her, just saying, we aren't an overtly-exciting bunch.  She seems to fit that writer mold.

Jules has "learned helplessness" in my opinion.  She doesn't know how to do much because her husband liked it that way in my opinion.  Now that she's getting rid of him -- and that guy was punching so far above his weight, why on earth would he cheat on her?  He's also claiming she assaulted him.  Dude, most women would assault you if you cheated on them, but his lawyer in the filing called him, "diminutive, but brave."  I'd rather have my wife take me to the cleaners than be called "diminutive but brave" -- even as a woman!

Anyway, assault is no laughing matter, so I hope it isn't true, but he played mind games with her and she is going to be so much better off without her. That's why I feel they shouldn't fire her yet.  Because I feel like we haven't seen the real Jules.  She's started her own business and it's a great idea.  A cleansing tonic that is sold at Whole Foods. 

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To be honest, I've had enough of Bethanny and her "woman problems" as a storyline.  Actually, that goes for everyone.  That's the friend you'd avoid.  I have to admit, as much as I can't stand Ramona, she is completely entertaining.  How great was that to cut into a wedding cake without permission?  Granted, it was a dog wedding, but still.  She is so narcissistically tacky, and it's fantastic television.

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And I have to add that some part of me really hopes that Dorinda and Bethanny actually shop at Home Goods because that store is like crack.

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#SouthernCharm's Finale -- what did you think?

Okay, I personally think Landon is bad news.  I'm not saying Kathryn is completely normal or without her struggles, but Landon is straight-up taunting her with an evil smirk.  Worse yet?  Thomas is allowing it because he is a small little man who loves beating up on Kathryn emotionally, then pulling back and acting like an innocent.  Seriously, if the drug stuff is true, I can't even blame her.  Those people are crazy-makers and she needs to stay far away from them.

And what was up with that purple fur coat?  She looked like a muppet!  I expected more of Patricia.  Patricia says she knows how to get men to marry her.  That's a skill?  Really?  If so, she should write a book on that and not party planning because her party looked ratchet.  I mean, granted, she had the grand pool, but when you put the Oriental Trading flamingos everywhere, that takes it down a notch.

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Kathryn has the name, the beauty and the babies.  She needs to get clean and get away from these toxic people.  Oh shoot, I have a meeting.  More later!


Will James Corden jump the pond when his contract is up?

I love James Corden. I discovered him because my daughter watches him on YouTube every morning before school.  I think he's lovely and talented and actually funny.  He was so great on the Tony's! Much better than NPH.    I can't blame him for being fed up with LA, but I love him and want to claim him as American.

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#RHONY -- Jules' husband pulls a Kelsey Grammer

Anyone who watched the Real Housewives of New York last night, knew Jules' husband was having an affair.  I mean, could he have enough respect to at least TRY To cover his tracks?  He was on the phone obsessively all night while at dinner with another couple.  (John and Dorinda)  Today, it's been announced they are getting a divorce due to his affair.  HE filed for divorce.  At least have some decency and let your wife file for divorce, you putz. 

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I really like Jules.  I think a divorce will probably be good for her.  She has "learned helplessness" and can't seem to manage simple things like making coffee.  But I truly believe when she gets away from that creep, her true personality will come back.  The fact that their vacation home had an unfinished pool in the living room and no plans of getting any better in the near future, tells you that he wasn't into his family.  He was a mess.  And she followed suit because when you're leader is a mess, the household usually follows.  Don't believe me?  Look around you.

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It was clear in last night's episode that she was over him anyway.  I hope she realizes it and gets strong quickly.  Anyone who ends up with him, deserves him. She's young and gorgeous.  She can get healthy and start again.   She's under too much stress being married.  It always reminds me of the beginning of Anne Tyler's "The Accidental Tourist" where the wife tells Macon Leary, "You're not a comfort to me, Macon."  (Close, if not an exact quote.)  A partner should be a comfort to you, not the source of constant stress.

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But my favorite part of last night's show was Luann inviting herself to Bethanny's vacation and then sticking Bethanny with the bill.  Classic.  Who wants to go on a vacation when you're not wanted?


#SouthernCharm's Epic Dinner Party

Thomas had to be on something right?  I mean, is he that mean of a drunk?  Word on the street is that he now has 50% shared custody with Kathryn and that she failed a drug test.  I don't know if that's true, but quite frankly, I don't know that I'd trust either one of them alone with a child.  Thomas opened up his dinner party with an announcement.  Whenever this guy is about to speak, people want to run.  But they're trapped.  They're hungry.  He starts to take them on one-by-one.  Truthfully, I would have love to see him take on Patricia.  Who has a baby dinner without the mother?  And what is up with her having all her son's friends over?  Where are her friends?  And I say this as a mother who DOES hang out with her sons' friends.  But I have my own -- and I'd never celebrate one of their babies without the mother!

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Whitney has gone over the edge on Kathryn.  She is making his head spin.  He's gone so far to call her a drug addict and a violent sociopath.  

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I mean, isn't that slander?  Violent sociopath?  Them's fighting words and it makes me dislike Whitney even more than I ever did.  He's such a whiney man.  Always calling names and being all judgy when he's got the weirdest life himself. I mean, the pseudo girlfriend, the LA house that was obviously rented, the guitar collection...Regardless, his rage this seems way too intense for a reality show.  He has some straight-up hatred for Kathryn.  What is that about?

I really need to see some more Charm coming from my Southern Charm. I'd also suggest that rather than "Southern Charm" Kathryn and Thomas go on "Intervention Codependent."