I'm finally back in my office. It's been a long time, and I need to be writing every day, so this must change! But first, I have to talk about "Southern Charm" because none of my loser friends watch it. (Where did I go wrong?) Okay, reality TV is like the modern-day melodrama. There are those you root for (Kathryn -- girl get away from Thomas -- he's toxic) and there are those you wait to trip on their own egos. (Pretty much the entire male cast -- except for Craig. I love Craig.) I loved Shep until "Relationshep" and now, he has that Jax look about him. He's too old for that behavior. And for the entire cast, can I just say, STOP DRINKING!!!! You're all like a Tennessee Williams' play waiting to happen.
For those of you who watch -- let's take this apart one trainwreck at a time.
1. Thomas' new girlfriend. Okay, Ashley a word of advice: YOU NEVER call a woman who mothered two of your boyfriend's children a baby mama. She is attached to him forever. You are most likely the flavor du jour. Ashley, never, ever be that girl who helps a man mentally torture his ex. It will come back to bite you in the bum. Someday, you will be that ex and the next woman -- who will be younger and prettier most likely, will do the same to you. The fact that Thomas was giddy to show Ashley off to Kathryn at the party was quite frankly, creepy and stalkerish. If you've moved on, prove it. Kathryn shouldn't be in your thoughts. And poor Lilly Pulitzer. Those shorts were not a good look. Wedges, really?
2. Kathryn. Personally, I think she's moved on for the most part. I think that Thomas will always try to pull her back in -- but I hope she holds strong. He's not the marrying kind. As proven by the fact that he's spent 50+ years single. Let him stay that way. Or let him play his games with other people, you're better than that Kathryn. I like seeing new, stable Kathryn -- don't let him pull you back into the mess. I cringe every time I hear her yell, "THOMAS! I WON'T LET YOU LEAVE ME!" Bravo, give her a break and stop playing that clip.
3. Craig and Naomi. I miss this couple, but really do think they're terrible for each other at the same time. I think Naomi is a total nag, but I have to admit, if my guy were sewing cute onesies and not working, I'd probably be worse. So I'm going to give her a pass on this one. She deserves a good life.
4. Chelsea. I love Chelsea. I wish I could have been 1/100th as cool as her as a younger woman. She definitely deserves a man with a job.
5. Why don't any of the men in Charleston work? I mean, it's crazy. Living in Silicon Valley where everyone is a workaholic it is completely foreign to me.
6. Do we think Patricia's ring is real? If it is, it's really ugly just to be big/gaudy. It looks like an actual ice cube. Made with Flint, MI water. Of the ring, she said it could be bigger. Gross. It looks better in this picture than it did on the show.
6. J.D. and Liz. I have to admit, I did not see JD coming. I think she was the one with the money and she's gorgeous. But I do like the women banding together against the good ol' boys network. That being said, I hope JD gets his act together. They have triplets and another little one. There is no amount of partying that is worth losing that gorgeous family over.
7. Landon. I don't miss her at all. There are people on TV, I love to fake-hate. Dorit on RHOBH is one of them. She is so clueless that I enjoy her immensely. Landon, not so much. She was so easily used by Thomas to get back at Kathryn that I had actual feelings against her. I think the final straw was her thumbing her nose at her dad's job -- trying to help her stop being a gold digger and get some self-respect. I hope that has happened and I wish her well. But I'm glad she's off the show.
All photos from Bravo television.