Has #SouthernCharm Jumped the Shark for Me?

It's no secret that I love me some "Southern Charm" -- but the last two episodes have left me with this icky, annoying feeling. First, there was last week opening with that bed scene with Thomas and his new child bride -- ahem, I mean girlfriend. Then, there was this week with "guy's night out" at the local bar where we got to see the pick-up styles of old-school Thomas, which harkens back to a time when bosses slapped their secretaries on the behinds and told them to run along now.

First off, as someone near Thomas's age, I find it really creepy that he hangs out in bars with twenty and thirty-year-olds. Since I have CHILDREN this age and don't date people this age, I keep thinking of myself hanging out in a bar with my boys and trying to pick up their friends. It's disgusting! I understand that it's a TV show and the old dudes came up with the concept, so they get to be in on the "fun." But it's just not so enjoyable to me to watch lecherous old dudes hitting on young women. I was a young woman once, and I remember those creeps.

On that note, Ashley, honey. Why do you allow a man to disrespect you so badly? Your ancient boyfriend stands behind you at a party and frames your bum with his hands to his friends and tells them, "I like a tiny hiney." It is VOMIT inducing. Didn't your daddy tell you how precious and beautiful you are? You're better than this. No woman should be treated like that, but in these times of the #MeToo movement, even more so.


When I was 24, I began dating my husband. He looked really young for his age, but when he told me he was 33, I was like, "HE'S SOOOOO OLD!" I can't even imagine what someone in their 50's would feel like to a woman that age. I shudder at the thought. When Thomas talks about the moon landing, that event would probably be before Ashley's parents even met and married. Does she know we landed on the moon?

My kids were raised on a steady diet of '80's trivia and classic rock from the 70's, so I'd like to think they're more well-rounded than the average 20-year olds -- but still, what does a person in their 50's have in common with someone in their 20's? Besides the obvious, I mean.

And what about Thomas Ravenel giving dating advice to JD? Dude, he's not divorced yet and he's the father of four young kids. He's not exactly prime dating material BECAUSE HE IS STILL ACTUALLY MARRIED. The way Thomas just thinks JD needs to go to the gym and leave behind the life he created with Liz is weird. Most men take care of their families. Even if they leave them. Unlike Thomas, who pays for Ashley's apartment after a week of knowing her, but lets the mother of his two kids walk around with a busted iPhone. That says a lot about character. Even if Kathryn was an egg donor and surrogate, she would have fared better than falling in love with Thomas and having his children. Think about that. It's like what, $30k an egg now?

Last night just left me grossed out. Why is Bravo allowing this gold ol' boys mentality on their supposedly forward-thinking network?

Well, maybe it's just a have/have-not way of thinking. I mean, poor Michael had to massage Cameron's feet last night. I did love this video with her explaining that she felt no pain or remorse. LOL




Schadenfreude: #90DayFiance #LoveAfterLockup

Definition of schadenfreude
: enjoyment obtained from the troubles of others

I really don't enjoy other people's pain. I'm too empathetic. I feel badly and I want to rescue people from themselves. Nowhere is this more true than when I religiously watch "90 Day Fiancé." It's a train wreck. A dumpster fire. But you can't look away. You're screaming at your television set, "No girl, he don't love you!" (You have bad grammar when you're screaming at your own television set.)


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This couple is from the latest season. Molly is a bra specialist who owns and runs her own boutique -- she's also a mother of two girls. Luis is a bartender she met in the Dominican Republic. He is closer in age to her daughter than to Molly. He's also a complete jerk. I have to admit, initially, I had high hopes for Luis because one of the best love matches was a vacation romance with a guy from Jamaica and a single mom. (Melanie & Devar)


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One of the best things about their season was Melanie's sister Bev barking at her constantly of what an idiot she was being. She's say how Devar only loved her for her green card and worse. Somehow, you didn't believe Bev and you rooted for the couple -- plus Bev was just pure entertainment. Incidentally, Devar & Melanie married and just welcomed a baby. Devar, unlike Luis, was so good with Melanie's son. It just warmed my heart.

The show is hard on couples who really do fall in love and want to get married because there is such abuse of this K1 Visa to bring a would-be spouse to America. Even on the show. Alexei & Loren were very vocal about how it annoyed them because it makes it hard for real couples to obtain the visa with all the rules.

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Watching these shows is like being Sherlock Holmes himself. Or maybe a divine prophet. You feel brilliant. You can see the future. Why can't they see the future? (Granted, it's really a producer who sees the future and edits in a way that makes you feel as if you solved the crime. I love watching people give it all up for love. Because none of us can really see our own flaws or mistakes in real time. We walk into our life lessons with well-meaning friends and family shouting warnings behind us, but no. We don't listen. Because love is the strongest emotion we can experience. And it blinds us to the truth in countless ways.

Now, comes a new show that is supposed to be even more tragic than "90 Day Fiancé." Naturally, it's brought to us by the good people who brought us "90 Day Fiancé" but this show is called "Love After Lockup." You guessed it. Men and women finding love with the incarcerated. Because who doesn't love a good prison romance?

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While I may not be proud of it, I'm giving "Love After Lockup" a chance. And not because of Schadenfreude.

EDIT: I can't take the Love After Lockup. Cannot identify at all, so I'm out.


#TheBachelorFinale

I just learned I'm in for a three hour tour.  Seriously?  That never ends well.  Why on earth do they need three hours?  

We're down to JoJo and Lauren.  I love both of them, and apparently, Ben does too.  By way of excuse, he tells us he can't help how he feels.  Why can't I sum up any sympathy for him and his feels? Oh right.  Because it's kind of a douchy thing to do.

Ben's Mom Amy is disturbed by this development, but she's not Italian, so she doesn't slap him upside the head and tell him to "Snap out of it!"

LAUREN MEETS BEN'S PARENTS

Lauren is the first to show up.  She and Ben's dad discuss if they're both ready for marriage. Lauren tries to seal the deal with Ben's mom by telling her that Ben told her he loved her.  Yeah, get in line, Mom is thinking. In some eerie foreshadowing Lauren says they haven't had to deal with anything difficult.  Yet. Mom and Lauren are holding hands though. Bonding has occurred.

JOJO MEETS BEN'S PARENTS

JoJo and Ben can't stop mauling each other while meeting the parents.  JoJo gushes to his parents about how much they get along.  Ben's parents are team Lauren after meeting her, so JoJo has to prove herself.  That's sad because JoJo is awesome. She wins Dad David over, but I'm not so sure about Mom Amy. 

JoJo confronts Ben to make sure that "they're on the same page." And he answers her with a kiss and an "I love you" 

MY CHOICE

Personally, I like Ben better with JoJo, but I think Lauren seems more like approvable wife material, so I wonder if he'll pick her.  I seriously cannot believe he hasn't made up his mind yet, and hope that he's acting.  But I don't think he is.

THE PASTOR

They're teasing us with a possible wedding and have Ben's pastor standing by.  Poor guy is thumbing frantically through his Bible, hoping to find an answer as to why his on this crazy show. All that theology and it's come down to this.

FINAL DATE WITH LAUREN

They're on a catamaran cuddling until Lauren asks if he's slept and Ben says he hasn't.  Then, rather than answer the deep stuff says, "You're beautiful."  The Romeo's "Shut Up." They sit on the beach and she wants to know if there are any doubts.  He's worried things might be too good to be true and she notes his unrest -- how will they weather a storm together if they haven't been tested.  He and JoJo have been tested.  Okay, I think this is why I'm team JoJo. She voiced her opinion during the tough times.  Lauren has just kind of been perfect without questioning him.  As a woman, I'm suspicious of that. Oh, and my daughter says her contouring looks bad.  She is, however, ready to spend the rest of her life with Ben and tells him so. He tells her, "No matter what happens, you've made me a better person."  Ouch.  That is not what you want to hear from the man you're expecting an engagement ring from. She's crying as she tells the camera she can't picture her life without Ben.

She wants to lay on his shoulder and cry -- but that shoulder may be otherwise occupied, so she cries alone.

FINAL DATE WITH JOJO

 Ben's face lights up when he sees JoJo.  They're just joined at the lips when they see each other.  JoJo is confident that she will Ben's wife, which of course, on "The Bachelor" does not bode well for her. They're swimming in the "Blue Hole" -- ie., the pervert producers want JoJo in a bikini again.  If Ben has already decided on Lauren, his lips haven't caught up with his brain because he's making the most of this date.

Ben tells JoJo he doesn't know who he wants to propose to -- at least they discuss it.  I feel like they're more real. But perhaps they just have more drama. He tells her that she has become his best friend. Then, they have a deep conversation on the bathroom floor.  He admits that he loves Lauren too.  And that he told Lauren the same thing.  They end the date telling each other, "I love you."

Ben tells us he's a confused man.  Are we supposed to feel sorry for him? 

NEIL LANE

Neil Lane arrives and says, "Tell me about her."

"Uh, which one?" He doesn't really ask, but he does.  Neil looks confused.  He picks either a cushion cut or an emerald cut and apparently, is confused no more.   

THE END:

Lauren looks amazing in a royal blue full-length sheath dress.  JoJo looks amazing in a baby pink beaded gown that show off the assets she clearly paid for.  Not that she doesn't look great, but what is it about a girl with implants that they must share them with us all? 

JOJO

When JoJo arrives first, she says she's not running from this and Ben is just downright cruel.  "I found love with you, but I found it with somebody else, more."  He says he doesn't question that he does love her -- uh dude, and you're going to get engaged?  Take some time.  Even that loser with the bar in Texas walked away rather than propose when he didn't know.  She says, "It's fine."  We all know that it isn't. She chastises him for telling her he loved her. They hug and she gets the limo ride from the dark side.  Can they not spring for a box of Kleenex?  At least a roll of toilet paper?  Why has no one ever stuffed a tissue in their bra?  They always get blindsided.

She still says she can't hate him.  She was so in love.  I can't even be excited to watch the proposal because I feel badly for JoJo.  Truthfully, I can say goodbye to Lauren, but I'm sad to see JoJo go.  ; (

LAUREN 

The phone call is to Lauren's dad.  Ben wants to make her the happiest woman in the world -- well, that was a quick recovery.   Lauren tells Ben that she wanted their time on the porch to be the "last first kiss" she ever had and that "you're my person.  I love you."  So cute.

Ben tells her he came into this worrying that he was unlovable.  That they had a journey full of goodbyes, but he never wants to say goodbye to her.  He gets down on one knee and asks.  She says yes, and he slides a freaking ice cube on her finger. He tells her, "You're my person." 

They're engaged.  Why did that feel like such a letdown? 


#TheBachelor -- Week 4 My Recap

"Vegas is a place where you do find love."  No, it's not.  It's a place where you find viral infections, but let's get started.  The Bachelor is in Vegas -- let the drama begin!

The twins -- who share one brain -- were raised in Vegas.  That was not nice.  I'm snarky tonight.  Sorry, girls.  You're going home, that's a good thing, right?  The-Bachelor-Ben-Higgins

The girls go nuts seeing their names on a light-up sign.  It's so reminiscent of the puppet show edition of "Burning Love" -- A Bachelorette parody.  Everyone goes nuts for a puppet show.  We open in the gym with the twins on the same treadmill.  They should really be on the Utah version of the Bachelor -- someone looking for two wives might be better for them.

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Jojo gets the one-on-one and they get taken out by a wind gust from the helicopter.  This is entertainment. They have great chemistry and keep kissing.  This sends Olivia -- who is planning her wedding into full "Single White Female" mode.  Especially when she finds out she's on the next group date. 

Jojo uses her date to whine about all her insecurities because of her last boyfriend.  What about going on a date?  Don't people have fun anymore?  Or do they just vomit up all their issues? I guess you are on a fast track to love. Ben shuts her up by kissing her.  And she gets a rose.  Score one for chemistry. Now they're on the top of a building watching Fireworks.  Man, the producers have run out of creativity.

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With each explosion, a little piece of Olivia's heart breaks off.  

GROUP DATE: Talent Show

The twins are grateful for their mom enrolling them in Irish dance.  Olivia grabs up the sparkle striptease outfit, and she's going to do "whatever it takes." The puppeteer lets them know that Vegas audiences are the new "Night at the Apollo."  

 The twins' Riverdance is actually really impressed.  I'm swayed.  Jubilee plays the cello.  Is there anything that girl can't do?  I have such a girl crush.  I want to be her!

The grand finale is Olivia popping out of a cake in a cape, sparkly bikini and a complete lack of talent. To all this awkward would be a compliment. Then, she has a panic attack -- which she does well. Poor thing. She actually looks gorgeous while she has it.  That's something!

Caila gets some alone time and turns into a "tigress." Lauren H kisses a puppet -- and it's sweet.  She and Ben are cute together.  Olivia needs to talk.  She's mortified.  Her explanation is actually worse than the "dance." He tells her she shouldn't be embarrassed and then, one of the twins "steals" him. 

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Then, Lauren B comes along and it feels all over again.  They are so cute together and he just instantly goes toward her.  She lets us know she's terrified.  They actually have a real conversation and it feels the most normal.  The, we go back to Olivia's neuroses. 

The rose goes to...Lauren B.

ONE-ON-ONE with BECCA:

Becca receives a wedding gown and they head to the Little White Chapel -- no doubt to be married by Elvis or the like.  -- oh no, he's ordained and they're going to marry other people.  They marry a very sweet couple and my daughter tells me if this is her wedding, please just do her in then and there.  LOL Apparently, she does not want to get married in Vegas.  

Wow, they married a ton of couples.  Then, they go to the NEON museum, which I'm pretty sure is haunted.  I think I saw it on one of my ghost shows.  LOL  Oh, on a sidenote, I have a friend who moved into a haunted complex and the stories have been way fun. 

Becca bores me.  Can you tell?  I'm wishing for a Supernatural event. 

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Becca gets the rose.  Snore.

 The twins get a "two-on-one" -- probably so Ben can put an end to this madness. They, of course, think he's going to send one of them home.  I'm going out on a limb and saying, I think he sees an easy way to drop them off without airfare.  Nope, he's sending Haley home -- or leaving her there, since they're at her mom's.  Emily goes off in the limo and leaves her sister behind.  That sucks. Finally though, we see the real them and not just the vapid act they put on.

 At the cocktail party, Olivia steals him yet again for her latest version of "Canklegate."  Ben has had it with her neuroses.  As we all have.  Go. Away!

Going home:  Amber (good, she was a mean girl this season who picked on Jubilee -- girl, she's a Vet, she could take you out!) She curls up in a fetal position and comes to the conclusion that television is probably not the place for her to find romance.  

Rachel -- who hasn't gotten enough screen time for us to miss.

Next week they're showing Jubilee becoming a little undone.  This is not what I want to see.  : ( 


#TheBachelorette Finally

I am making my way through the Bachelorette, but it is hard-going. I'm still having trouble telling one guy from the next, so forgive me, but my attention wanders.

The comedy night was enjoyable watching Amy Schumer take down J.J. -- there's nothing better than watching someone who needs a healthy dose of humility eat humble pie. Amy served it up.

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I didn't get the underwater date. That was weird, but Kaitlyn used it as an opportunity to kiss another guy. As far as she's concerned this is the salad bar of dating, and she's going to taste everything.

Now, onto Tony, who is a "healer" -- since he's probably not an Anime character, I'm going to assume he does some kind of New Age job. He tells Kaitlyn he was afraid of her. "Why?" she asks. (Because I'm ugly and have never had a girlfriend -- just kidding, that was my daughter's answer for him.) For a guy who is so in touch with listening to signs from the universe, he is apparently deaf about their "connection." I think the universe should send lightning next time. He gets into a long conversation with himself about how interesting he is. It's a level he's been craving. Let me translate. "I do all the talking and she just looks at me like I'm nuts and I discern this as love and admiration. We're all good here!"


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Now, there's a single dad who says, "I want to know everything about you." Does that creep anyone else out? I would hate a guy saying that to me. You know, chill dude. He has a 3 year old daughter and I don't know his name. Oh, it's J.J. The guy who got schooled by Amy, and he gets the rose. Wow, she has some bad taste!

Then, another guy takes her outside and makes out with her. Okay, do you remember that girl in seventh grade who went outside the party with every guy? I mean, I'm having flashbacks here. This last one is Joe, and he's says it's the perfect night with the perfect person.

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J.J. being the consummate jerk he seems to be enjoys watching everyone else squirm without a rose. Classic. What a catch. I would love to watch this show with his ex. I bet she could add some real insight.

I really like Ian. He's a quality human being and when he's with Kaitlyn, I like her more. So he's a front-runner for me, but my favorite is definitely the guy with the bulldogs, because I love bulldogs and he made me laugh.
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Kaitlyn gets into an awkward confrontation with Kupah. They're just missing each other and don't communicate well. Next. Oh wait, no. He gets ugly. He's not emotionally balanced in my opinion -- first action is to go on the attack. Not a good sign. He. Needs. To. Stop. Talking.

But he doesn't, so he's going home. Kupah is losing his *&*&


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Maybe next week, I'll have a better idea of the guys, but wow...so far, there aren't a lot of keepers.


#TheBachelorFinale Part II

WHITNEY

Their last date is, wait for it, picking corn. I'm not sure how there is corn in all that brown but Whitney acts like she's spending the day in Fiji so it hardly matters. She squeals her excitement while the combine does its thing. She starts to cry telling us this could be her future. Girl, I feel ya. I'd cry about that too.

Now they're headed to his place. He explains how the house is a blank slate. (Um, too easy. Never mind.) She's ready to move in and begins to narrate how everything is in this moment. This was the key. She's been waiting to get "here" and it feels right. Chris is trying to be convinced. He's waiting for that lightbulb moment where he knows Whitney is the one. Is he waiting for Becca to tell him?

He asks Whitney what makes her so certain. Still on a job interview, Whitney answers, "I'm glad you asked that question." The, more blah blah blah. Chris tells her he's excited about being in this place. Then, they kiss awkwardly. I'm so not into this couple, can you tell? They have the passion of paint.

Now we're at the finale moment...on the farm...in a barn. Let the romance begin! He's standing in a barn where he raised his first pig. Be still my heart!!


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(Prissy Pig & Poppleton -- I follow them on Instagram #ReallyIDo)

As he waits to say goodbye to Becca --he says he hopes he's making the right choice. Just what every woman expecting an engagement ring wants to hear. I have never understood the sweet speech before the bachelor gets ready to dump someone, but that's what we have going on. He tells her he has to go with his heart and his gut (and go for the low-hanging fruit because he's lazy and full of fear.)

As a romance author, I abhor when someone picks the practical over love. Becca gives the sweetest speech and says he's going to be an amazing husband and right there, he knows he's made the easy/wrong choice because Becca is like, "Yeah. Do what you gotta do." It's by far the warmest Bachelor goodbye in history. Once in the limo, Becca proves why she's the catch of the century and she'll be fine. I don't think she was just confused. I think she needed more time to process her feelings and waiting isn't going to hurt her.

We're back at the barn. Which is decorated like a bad Sadie Hawkins/Cracker Barrel and still looks...exactly like a barn.


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Whitney is shaking when she arrives. She is so worried it's not her that I actually see a glimpse of the "REAL" her finally. She is human and there might be more to her than we saw due to editing. He seems far more certain than he's been, which makes me wonder if it was editing all along. He finally tells her he loves her and we worry she might implode.

But then...there's more. He bends down on one knee and hands her a Neil Lane that might make Iowa worth it. Dang!


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They show them in the barn and do an overview of the expanse of corn fields. Seriously, that ring would just get caught on the washer. I speak from experience. Anyway, I feel meh. Did you feel more romance?


#TheBachelorFinale Part I

First, let't start with how ridiculous it is to have a three hour finale. They're in Iowa. Nothing has happened worth watching for three hours in Iowa since...I don't know. has anything ever happened in Iowa?

Next, let's discuss how we want to buy Chris Harrison a new cache of adjectives. "Most Dramatic" and "amazing" definitely need to go.

WHITNEY VS. BECCA
Chris Soules is "in trouble" --basically, we know Whitney is the "sure thing." She's all-in. Becca. Well, he might actually have to put some effort into her, and we're seeing that Chris is a bit passive, so that's probably a deal breaker.

WHITNEY
One reason I'm glad Whitney is in the finale is that there is no chance of her being the next Bachelorette and us having to listen to that voice for much longer. Whitney chooses a plaid romper for her date. She is selling herself hard to the family. She doesn't come up for air and manages to make herself cry on cue. She does feel like she's fooled the sisters. I mean, sold.

Detour: Does anyone else feel like Chris has completely sold out on this whole "Iowa" business when he's signed up for "Dancing with the Stars?" To me, it's kind of a betrayal to the whole "I need someone who can live in Arlington" narrative.

Chris' sister points out that Whitney is ready. That she's lovely, but because Chris can't articulate what he loves about her maybe that's a red flag. Or maybe Chris can't articulate the difference between a cornstalk and his pants...

Chris' mother asks why Whitney loves her son. This woman could sell ice cubes to an eskimo and turns on the tears. Chris' mother will love anyone he brings home. She's just good people. Whitney leaves confident she's locked this thing down.

BECCA

When asked about Becca, Chris can articulate what he loves about her.
1. Great sense of humor
2. Great person
3. Great head on her shoulders
4. Knows what she wants

Compared to Whitney:
1. She's willing to move here now.

Chris' family is a little more direct with Becca and it's pretty obvious they are rooting for Whitney at this point. Which means Chris, who has no will of his own, will most likely pick Whitney.

Becca gets grilled by the sisters and points out, look I know that Whitney is ready to come here and have babies. I'm still sorting out that the post office is your entire downtown. Becca basically says she's waiting to see where this goes --ie., she's not ready and won't be rushed. They've judged her as a California girl already. Yeah, what of it, Iowa chicks? We have a song about us, so forget your judgmental garbage.

The sisters, continuing with their extremely bad advice, tell Chis he needs to push Becca. I'm sorry, have you met your brother? Chris is calmer about the situation and it seems, willing to wait it out.

Chris' mom is lovely and she asks Becca what she loves about her son. Becca is honest enough to say she's not at the point where she's in love with him. Which, if I'm reading between the lines, I would say mom blames on her being from California. But maybe I'm just sensitive. Mom basically tells Becca she is in love with Chris --she just doesn't know what to call it. Their conversion is honest and raw. Not shallow and "all the right words" like we got from Whitney. I love how Becca asks for advice, and Chris' mom offers great words of wisdom. Mom claims, "I don't think she recognizes that what she's feeling for Chris is love."

Right now, I'm thinking if Chris picks Whitney, maybe "Dancing with the Stars" will break them and Becca will be ready. The family discusses it and the BIL has the right answer, "This is not an analytical question." So true. Love is often the "wrong choice."

Chris' father says "I think Whitney is the sure thing, but Becca is who Chris wants." Ouch.

My DVR didn't tape (COMCAST!!) So I'm having to sit through commercials. Sigh.


#Bachelorette Hometowns -- My Take

First up? Nick in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. They tour a brewery, sample a "Nick & Andi" beer and do the polka. The polka makes me happy. How can you not be happy when an accordion is in full gear? Nick seems normal for the first time. He has ten siblings, so really, how normal can anyone be from that big of a family?

Andi talks to Maria, Nick's sister. She's worried about her brother's heart being broken. Truly, he's beaming when he talks to his mother. It's kind of sweet. And can I just say, his mom is beautiful and that would be without having 11 kids.

Nick says he doesn't want to be the guy who is afraid because he's had his heart broken before. That's how love is. You have to be all-in --to risk getting hurt for real love. I have to admit, I get it for the first time with Nick.

And...then, he wimps out and doesn't say he loves her. Bwamph Bahhhh

C'est la vie. There's three more where he came from. Now we're in Arlington, Iowa with Chris. And may I just say, I would stab myself if I lived there. I totally admire people who can live the simple life. But wow, all that flat. I mean, I love a cow, but they are basically your neighbor in this town. I will agree with Andi that Chris looks hot on the farm, and I imagine he'll have girls lining up to be a farm girl. Chris has a great house on the farm and he shows Andi his tractor.

Chris would be a great Bachelor. He could make all the girls milk a cow, and drive a tractor. That would be a change of pace. Chris makes a picnic. At least, I like to think he made the picnic. It was probably some producer's lackey.

For their date, Marcus decides to reenact his striptease. Ooo-kay.

Andi asks him what she'd do there, and Chris answers, "There's an opportunity to be a homemaker." Okay, and the young ladies across America just swooned. Then, a plane swoops out of the sky and trails behind it, a sign that reads,"Chris loves Andi."

Too bad Andi isn't for him. I have a feeling he won't be lonely for long. FarmersOnly.com probably just had a huge uptick in membership. His family is so warm, I think a lot of city girls may have just converted. Chris has three sisters and his mother, oh how I love his mother. She tells Chris that she was born in the town, and she'd never lived on a farm, but when 'he'd get out of the tractor, it would just stop my heart.' How beautiful is that?

The mom implores Andi to make a good decision. Yeah, that's probably not going to happen.

Now we're in Tampa, FL with Josh, and we'll soon be hearing how he was a baseball player. Did he mention that yet?

Her chemistry with him is definitely the strongest. I think actually, Nick would be a better pick for her, but I think the chemistry between her and Josh is going to strike out the practical.

I used a baseball reference!!! Yay me!

They play, SURPRISE! baseball. Then, they have a series of short conversations, punctuated by grabbing at each other.

Before they meet the family, Andi is worried that it's going to be all about Aaron, Josh's little brother who may be drafted to the NFL. I can only hope if he's not drafted, he gets over it before Josh did.

Josh and Aaron start talking football and Andi is annoyed. She does not like being in the background, and cannot handle that Andi and Josh don't get the spotlight with the family. Waaahh!

Okay, if Andi picks this guy, she cannot whine. She knows what they're about. Sports, sports, and more sports. Truthfully, they don't seem like a family that is willing to accept another person into their clique. Seems like any woman would come second. They play football in the front yard. I have to say, of all the families, this one would be hard on a gal.

Now, we're in Dallas, Texas and with all sincerity, I had no idea this guy's name was Marcus, or that he was still around.That can't bode well for his chance at success with Andi. He's said he's in love, and she hopes her feelings can catch up.

Andi never shuts up and Marcus' sister Cassie doesn't get a word in edgewise. My son just came in and said if he ever went on this show, he'd hire a fake family just to mess with the girl. I have no idea why. We have to be weirder than anyone he could hire.

The remaining cast members are now hearing about Eric's death. So sad.

Then, Marcus gets sent home. Double whammy, poor guy. This season of "The Bachelorette" definitely should offer nightly prozac when you watch it. It just has this depressing feeling. Marcus is going on about how he believe in something that wasn't there and now he feels like an idiot. Join the club, Marcus. We've all been there.


Bachelorette Andi -- Two Night Event Sunday Recap

If anyone considers this an "event" they really need to get out more. Andi is off to Santa Barbara. Chris Harrison makes the announcement to the guys big, like they're headed off to Tahiti. The look on their faces when they find out, yeah, we're going an hour away, is priceless.

The first date is with Nick, who sounds remarkably like Eeyore. After the phrase, "I am ecstatic!" He quickly follows with, "But I still don't know her. She doesn't know me. Let's be honest, what are the chances things are going to work out here?"

I should mention that he has the same Occupation as Seth Greenwood from the Ashley series. He's a software engineer. He's also from Chicago -- and his attitude makes me think of that line from "An Affair to Remember" -- "Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories."

They're going on a bike ride while the guys back at the house decide Nick doesn't really believe in the process. I'd go a little further and say maybe he doesn't believe in love. But I'm tainted by my knowledge of software engineers. LOL There just seems like something not right about this guy.

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Andi says she's chipping away at Nick, and she can see him letting his guard down. Yeah, I'd move on, but that's me. At dinner, she asks Nick, why are you single when all your friends are married? If he has an answer, I didn't hear it.

Side Commentary: The black guys on this season are SOOO good looking. It's time for a Black Bachelor, ABC. Throw a few token white girls in next season! This is Marquel Martin. He gets my vote for the next Bachelor. He steals the screen time he's in.


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Back to Nick's date, this is his view on love: "When it's really hard, you know, I can find somebody else, but I don't want to. To me, that's romantic."

Andi agrees. I do not. People are not interchangeable in love. She gives Mr. Romance a rose. Sigh.

Group date up next. Bradley is an opera singer. Is anyone else surprised at how many opera singers there are? Who knew? They're at a classical music center in Santa Barbara. I have chills hearing Boyz II Men sing A capella. LOOVE them!! Bradley, the opera singer tells us he's in his element. Something tells me this is not the case.

These guys are bad. Boyz II Men says you've got maybe two that can carry a tune. "Carry it to the water and drown it." Bradley thinks everyone is jealous of him. Is it bad that I really want to see him choke? Probably. When Andi tries, BIIM says, "Oh she sucks." LOL


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Bradley starts us off. I'll just say, I got my wish. Opera does not translate to smooth, sexy, buttery love songs. I hope after this performance, the guys are going to perform their song and purge these horrible memories from the audience's mind.

Marquel asks Andi what her favorite color is, and she says, "Is black a color?" LOL Awkward.

Note to contestants: If you feel pretty confident you're getting the group date rose? You're probably not.

Note to Bachelor/Bachelorettes: Stop macking with multiple people on a group date. Tacky.

Josh gets the rose.

JJ,the "pantapreneur" from San Francisco is up for the next one-on-one date. I hate to say it, but they're doing hair & makeup, and it seems right up his alley. They're getting makeup to look old. JJ has the "George Jefferson" hair with a pedophile 'stache. Out on the road, they're not fooling anyone, and I'm just embarrassed for them. They're far too into this.


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But in all seriousness, they have a lot of fun together, and they're really cute as a couple.

Back at the house, Ron's had a family emergency, a young friend who died, and he's going home.

On the date, JJ reminds me of Gaston.


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Now there's drama at the house where Andrew got a girl's number and bragged about it, with JJ saying, "It mocks the entire process." Uh, the process mocks the entire process. Andrew looks like he thinks highly of himself. When confronted, he wusses out, just like you knew he would. I have to say, I hate watching the guys embroiled in drama. It is NOT sexy. Andrew has equated the conflict with warfare. Seriously dude?

(Marcus comes on strong with Andi. It's uncomfortable. He's the stalker energy of the season.)

Andrew claims the girl just gave him her number. First off, did he call it? 100% it's a fake number. Secondly, when you've got that group of guys, a woman is not going to give Andrew her number.

Nick, Josh & JJ all have roses. Andi keeps Andrew and sends the opera singer home along with Brett -- who I don't remember seeing all season. Bradley says, "It wasn't good enough." Uh, deal with the mommy issues. That's not it.

Next up: Connecticut and another awkward solo concert. Can't wait. I showed my son the scene with Boyz II Men, and had to purge the memory. Here's the link if you need to as well:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV8vB1BB2qc


Bachelorette in Munich

The Bachelorette is in Munich — giving Europe a dozen more reasons to hate Americans. Chris is up for the first date, and naturally he ends up in Lederhosen & hot pants. Then, they dance to an oompa pa band. Bryden has decided to head home. Why he couldn’t decide this BEFORE he got to Munich, we don’t know. Maybe he needed the stamp in his passport. He chases Chris and Des down on their date.
Bryden steals her away and Chris gets left behind with Munich’s fat pigeons. (It’s like the opening to a great chick lit!) For Bryden and Des, it’s a non-event. Yeah, see ya.

Meanwhile, Chris and Des toast with beers bigger than their heads. Talk about your drinking goggles. K, I love Des, but she is a terrible bachelorette. I haven’t seen her get excited about anyone like she did with the blonde Bachelor. This is seriously like watching paint dry.
As Chris reads her poetry, my daughter just told me, “Mom, your face is disgusted.” LOL I guess I’m not the poet type. But luckily for Chris, Des is, so he gets the rose.

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You know what the problem with this season is? It makes my life look one continuous party.

The group date is on a Gondola to Germany’s highest peak. It’s like Skywire all over again.

I did immensely enjoy Juan Pablo trying to say Yodeler. A few times, in fact.
Des makes out with Brooks in the igloo mansion fantasy suite.

Mikey proves he’s got good Italian father potential by offering to make a snowman family of five in the snow. But they’re interrupted by a singing Zak. Who at least has all his clothes on this time. He mentions that he thought about being a priest — not sure how that works out with the whole nudity fetish, but there you have it.
Upping the cheese factor, we have a hot “tug” boat on a freezing lake for the two on one. (I painted my nails while during the Ich Bin Vegas scene.)

The guys are home discussing the “right reasons” and how James is vying for Bachelor status. I love how the most unlikable guys always feel they’re up for that opportunity. #NotHappening

How is it unlikable people don’t know they’re unlikable? I want that kind of ignorance in my life. I’d be a happier person. Delusional, but happier.

Michael uses the date to confront Ben on what a loser hypocrite he is -- and quite frankly, he does a good job of it. But Des is uncomfortable with the conflict. And this annoys me, because he's doing you a favor Des. Wake up and smell the reason Ben is a single dad but bffs with his ex.

Ben, once again, plays the single dad card and so far, Des buys it. To her credit, she gives Michael a chance to explain his position and sends Ben home. We see his true character at this point. He wants vengeance. When Des comes out to talk to him, he immediately shifts back into the hypocrite he is.

The guys at the house have waited up to throw themselves a party. Ben, meanwhile, asks himself how long he has to wait to be seen in public with another chick.

The producers canceled the cocktail party because they can't afford to lose James and the small amount of drama left.

Mikey got sent home. That makes me sad. He's a real guy. We need more of them in the world. Okay, another snorefest over.