Anyone tuning in for #TheGoldenBachelor?

After years of bland white men sprinkled with a few Bachelors of color, ABC is finally giving us geriatric Bachelor. This is an idea I support. I mean, as long as the women don't get on there and act like they're auditioning for "Housewives of the Bachelor." I don't want to see distinguished ladies of a certain age acting scrappy. I can turn on Bravo for that. As a single geriatric woman myself, I believe in love for the older set. Do I think this is the best way to go about it? Of course not, but I am willing to watch other women don hair extensions, sequins and fight over a man they wouldn't look twice at in the grocery store.  I mean, what fun! Also, how many elder yoga teachers will we get? I'm betting at least three.  Maybe a Barre instructor or Pilates for good measure. I would like to see at least one Bachelorette who would eat at Gerry's restaurant and have dessert. 

Gerry, our bachelor, seems to be a genuinely nice guy. (Until ABC gets a hold of him and convinces him that he's all that and a bag of chips -- but I digress.) He seems to have a good relationship with his kids, and they are excited about dad finding someone to spend his golden years alongside. He's healthy and made good money as a restauranteur, so I assume he's not looking for a "nurse or a purse." 

Since "The Bachelor" is more of an event for me -- a reason to get with friends and dish over dinner -- I'm looking forward to this new show. But I hope my aging sisters do me proud. 

Where are my #Sisterwives girlies at?

Admittedly, I haven't been a Sisterwives' fan for long. I watched last season because of the narcissistic attitude in the husband Kody. I'm too familiar with narcissism and it always makes me feel better to know they literally have one playbook. Once you learn it and get past it, it's pretty hard to go back into a relationship with a narcissism.  This is where sisterwife Christine is (beginning last season) and continuing this season.  We see her away from the dysfunctional "marriage" of four wives and living her best life in Utah -- a state away from the family. She's literally glowing and I love to see it. 

We get the best of rewritten history through Kody's eyes, "I did everything to save this marriage."  Um, no dude. You didn't. You literally called your wife unattractive because she ate nachos. You didn't want to sleep with her, treated her like dirt (when she raised 11 kids) and then wondered why she left. I know that no one can explain this to Kody because he's the true victim here. As is his last remaining wife, Robyn. We just don't understand "the truth" as the audience.  Even though we saw it with our own eyes. 

Now I know there can be editing in reality television, but some of the things Kody said and did, it wouldn't get better with editing. You don't leave your wife who just had a baby to go on your honeymoon. That's not editing. That's narcissism in action. You don't ever tell your wife (in words and in print) that you're not really attracted to her. Those are things you just don't say.

I will say self-centeredness and revisionist history are entertaining to watch. I hate to admit it, but the whole, Kody as the doting husband/father is not what we've seen on TV and I love watching him wrestle with his "wives" leaving him.  This man had like 17 children and drove a two-seater vehicle! (You needed a passenger van, Kody.  That's what dads do.  They give up their ego for the minivan.)

Clearly, the worst of Kody was when he tried to put off his daughter's scoliosis surgery. The girl had a spine shaped like an "S" and she was in pain every day. But you know, it wasn't convenient for Kody to go away. He even called the trip to the specialist by Christine and her daughter Ysabel, "a vacation." She cried for her father, but did he go to the surgery? He couldn't be bothered. Now the kids are mostly grown and they've moved on.  Sadly, Kody doesn't add to their lives and that's a shame.  But Kody wants an apology from THEM. 

I think surgery was the straw for Christine. She finally realized she'd been doing the whole marriage all herself anyway, why not make it official? So she did. Next up? Janelle makes it official. Then, bringing up the rear (when she should have been first) is Meri.

I don't take pleasure in any family breaking up, but I do love seeing a selfish person confused about why the world keeps raining on them.  I hope Kody gets it, but I don't have hope with the way he treats his kids.

What a mess. 

Great Expectations that promptly fell flat...

I love a costume drama. Pretty much any costume drama. In fact, I'm not the person who says, "Only the Colin Firth Mr. Darcy" is relevant. Even though, I love the 1995 version of Pride and Prejudice more than any other, I want them to make more Austen. (As long as it doesn't have Keira Knightley in it.)

I love a good remake and I always get excited to see a new version of my favorite classics. I loved the latest version of "Far from the Madding Crowd." It was excellent. Bathsheba is one of my favorite characters. If you don't know the story, she's basically a female version of the prodigal son. But here's the thing, the audience doesn't care for a female prodigal so it's not a well-loved story.  And I think it should be. Such a great story and not nearly as depressing as most Thomas Hardy novels.
But let's talk Dickens. Dickens is such an amazing storyteller. To this day, the description of Scrooge as a character is one of my favorite paragraphs in all of literature: 

"Oh! But he was a tight-fisted hand at the grindstone, Scrooge! a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous, old sinner! Hard and sharp as flint, from which no steel had ever struck out generous fire; secret, and self-contained, and solitary as an oyster. The cold within him froze his old features, nipped his pointed nose, shriveled his cheek, stiffened his gait; made his eyes red, his thin lips blue; and spoke out shrewdly in his grating voice. A frosty rime was on his head, and on his eyebrows, and his wiry chin. He carried his low temperature always about with him; he iced his office in the dog-days; and didn't thaw it one degree at Christmas." 

 

In other words, Dickens knew how to create a character. His settings are so genuine that "Dickensian" is actually an adjective in the dictionary.  But the director of the new "Great Expectations" seems to have forgotten this in their latest rendition. The powers that be thought they could improve on a story that has been around since 1861. As with all things done with hubris, it's terrible. Not just terrible. Hard to follow. Makes no sense and the characters are absolutely HATEFUL.

 

Yes, Miss Havisham should be unlikable. She is, in fact, the villain. But in this version, even Pip is a villain. In the original story, Pip looks up to his brother-in-law and wants to be a blacksmith just like Joe.  In this version, Pip goes to the great house and suddenly wants to be a great gentleman--throwing away the one good relationship he has in life. It's so incredibly unbelievable and doesn't work at all because why would you want to aspire to be a crazy old lazy who lives in squalor?  I can't root for Pip when I want to slap some sense into him.

 

The actress they got to play Estella is lacking the charm needed for that role and as a couple, they have literally no chemistry.  I don't know why this version makes me so mad, but I think it's the insane narcissism to think you can improve upon Dickens' characters and motivations. Get over yourself. Okay, I'm done ranting now. You should probably skip this one and go find an older version. Any older version. Maybe if I came into this clean, not knowing the story...nope. I don't think even then.