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November 2009
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January 2010

Fashion Fixes Problems you Don't Know you Had!

This is what I love about fashion.  Everyone has a different shape.  Everyone (meaning women) wants a lovely hourglass figure.  Body types change in terms of what's in "style". This is what has given us what I call, "80's Boobs".  These are breast implants that look like two, round water balloons stuck to the front of a woman's chest.  When it comes to implants, we've come a long way, baby.

Right now, we're into the slightly muscular, ab-ridden, hourglass figure:  see Jessica Alba.  The fact is though, we can only be the kind of body we are.  We have to make the most of what God has given us.  And this is why there's fashion.

Example: booty-fit jeans -- for us girls with tiny waists, but sizable backsides.  Now, the fashion world has given us booty-fit yoga pants.  Don't let the name fool you though.  These have small waistbands, but they're really made for girls who have no backside and don't want to smoosh theirs in yoga pants.  I'm all for the smooshing.

But most people don't know how to fix their body types with fashion.  And this is why there's "What Not to Wear" and makeovers.  When I'm in the mall, I totally want to grab up some people and introduce them to the architecture of good underwear.  Not because I have an issue with the way they look, but because I want everyone to feel like a million when they go out the door.  And fashion can do that for you!

If you have a huge chest, hike the girls up!  It makes your waist longer and makes you appear thinner.  If you have no chest, cinch up that waist.  My secret weapon back in the day was jeans.  What's your best feature?  Show it off!  (Not tackily, in a TMI way, please.)  It doesn't matter that you haven't been blessed with Jessica Biel's figure, it's all about confidence.  Here are some of my fashion heroines:

Queen Latifah

  Cate Blanchett (my fashion icon)

Renee Zellweger is so athletic, she actually has a very straight figure that she dresses properly.  Often in Carolyn Herrera dresses. 

I love Ivanka Trump's style. She uses her money well.

The fact is though, you can have a great figure and do it an injustice.  Cases in point: The Kardashians and their love of fabric used like sausage casing. Rihanna, Lady Gaga, J. Lo -- Beyonce is really hit and miss.  She needs to stay away from Mommy's fashion line, I think.  So who is your favorite style icon?  And what do you steal from them?

I'm old, but the 80's are back and it's so tempting...

The kids and I went to the mall this morning. Like a trout, I'm attracted to sparkly things and bright colors -- which is why the 80's was my era.  Plus, I had the big hair for it.  Anyhoo, the shops are filled with two of my favorite things: sequins and military jackets.  

 Coats9-710525  Military-jacket-main
 The infamous "they" say that if you're old enough to remember a style the first time, you can't wear it the second. And yes, I know I could get a grown-up pea coat and make it work, but I think I felt old today.  My mortality came to me in the image of an Adam Ant jacket.  And I heard "Stand and Deliver" on the way home.  Which is...dare I say it?  AN OLDIE!!!


Welcome 2010! Goodbye Toxic People!

So, do you have a resolution for 2010?  Usually, I don't bother with such things.  I mean, if I get fat, I've got too much invested in jeans to stay that way, so I work out.  I don't drink, don't smoke, what do I do?  Sorry, little Adam Ant reference, couldn't help myself. 

However, since 2009 was such a horrible year for me.  Seeing the book I love, after two years of work, go into the abyss of non-publication.  My DH and I had to sell my beloved house.  

I lost my beautiful writing nook where I looked out over the City I love.  The grandmother who practically raised me, left this earth and my kids had to start over again at new schools.  All in all, truly the suckiest year of my life.  Yes, that's a word.  I've just made it one.

So this year, life looks great.  I have three books to write, my kids are adjusting to their new schools and I'm learning to move forward in a house I do not love. Or like.  But one thing I saw throughout this year, is there are people who truly love you where you are.  And there are people who will kick you when you're down.  Sometimes with Bible verses.  So this year, I've made it my solemn vow to steer clear of people who want to "fix" me.  Not hold me accountable, but turn me into little robots like them.  Unhappy people who think giggly people like me need to grow up.

So my resolution this year is that I will avoid these people. I don't answer to them.  I answer to people who act in love.  I will cling to my lovely friends, who love me as I am -- the "Peter" in me who sinks all the time.  I try.  I fail.  I am not perfect.  I am Peter.  The screw-up with passion.  I embrace it.  If you don't, you won't be seeing much of me this year.  Anyone else got a good resolution?



I hate the country, but Merry Christmas!

I realize this is going to sound slightly Nastasha from “Bridget Jones’s Diary” — “Does nothing work outside of London?” But this will make you appreciate your family, so I’m going ahead… I love coming to my mother’s house (our former house) which is outfitted with four incredible bathtubs, and a gourmet kitchen with a chef (My Mommy), but every once in a while, I have to venture from my luxurious digs and enter the world of country living — otherwise known as the reason I am now living in a cramped townhouse with four kids and a dog.

I finished my book (Half Broke Horses by Jeanette Walls — author of “The Glass Castle” — if you have a tendency to over-parent, read these books — besides being incredible stories, they are testament to how we were born to survive, it’s instinctual. Mesmerizing.) So I finished my book and ventured to Long’s (CVS) to get more Bubble Bath and a magazine (InStyle with Whitney Houston) and what should my wondering eyes should appear? Losers who didn’t bother to think about Christmas gifts until the day before Christmas — and then, only to find what’s left at the stinkin’ drug store.

I get that this is perhaps not a fair shake for country folk, but oh. My. Goodness. I am not in the Christmas spirit after being cut off in the parking lot by white trash in trucks, as they squeal into the parking lot to get their tin o’ popcorn and hard booze as gifts. Dude, if you were coming to my Xmas party? I’d want hard booze too. You might want to consider that people want to anesthetize their experience with you. In line, I get cut off by someone buying that nasty, gummy/eraser fruit for a fruitcake. “Lady, no one likes that crap anyway. Don’t waste your time.” Her daughter is buying rings ‘o pineapples, probably to put on top of the ham — which may be from the pig in their yard, for all I know.

Now, I have the hang of things (Be rude, consider no one else,) and I need coffee, so I squeal my little SUV into the drive-thru at Starbucks. Listen, people, you may have me in CVS, but in Starbucks? Now you’re in MY territory now and I will not be threatened. “Double shot over ice. No, no sugar.” I need the hard stuff — I’m in the country. So I wish you all a Merry Christmas. I am staying inside so that mine will be joyous. And I’ll post this just as soon as the Internet is working. It shuts down during the day — because the golf club is open. Don’t ask.

Jake the Bachelor: January 4th

I just saw a commercial for the new Bachelor.  Lot of fancy camera work to make Jake seem exciting as the Bachelor.  Oh. My. Goodness.  My only hope is that it's going to make for good blogging because the guy is as exciting as mud.  Darling.  And I do think he was a good pick for Jillian -- who was too flighty to know it.  No pun intended.

But I for one, am not enthused.  "On the Wings of Love" Really?  The cheese effect is deep -- fondue-deep.  


I'm avoiding packing up the car. I'm done now.

Remember Brittany Murphy's Life...not her death

Reports are saying that Brittany's room was riddled with strong prescription drugs:  According to the investigator's notes, the medications included: Topamax (anti-seizure medication also to prevent migraines), Methylprednisolone (anti-inflammatory), Fluoxetine (depression),

Klonopin (anxiety), Carbamazepine (treats diabetic symptoms and is also a bipolar medication), Ativan (anxiety), Vicoprofen (pain reliever), Propranolol (hypertension, used to prevent heart attacks), Biaxin (antibiotic), Hydrocodone (pain) and various vitamins.

Seriously?  If you went through anyone's drug cabinet you'd be likely to find a whole cache of stuff -- I have prednisone for the MS, stuff for migraines, and leftover Vicodin from something I never took --  but let's just say Brittany was bipolar, and I have no proof that she was, but if she was, she'd have all of those things in her cabinet.  Bipolars feel stress more acutely than others, and brain drugs work differently on everyone, so often, there will be multiple tries before the right drug is worked out.  Their brain never shuts down and that's why you often get such incredible creativity and intellect with them, but also dark moods when their crash comes.  

Famous bipolars include: Mozart, Marilyn Monroe, Jim Carrey, Mark Twain, Carrie Fisher, Robert Downey, Jr., Vivien Leigh, and they say if Winston Churchill wasn't bipolar, we'd all be speaking German.  My point here is bipolars often self-medicate and their troubles can be confused for drug/alcohol issues.  If Brittany was bipolar, she was medicating in the proper way, but her little body couldn't take it all.  She was loved by her husband, loved by her mother and extremely talented and THAT is what she should be remembered for.  Not her tragic death.

 Brittany Murphy-292691.jpeg

Life is Too Short...Laugh at Yourself

My stomach hurts this morning from laughing.  Sometimes, my DH has what I call "interactive" dreams. He bolts upright with a start, and let's see...he's saved me from the wall once, which had computer stuff coming out of it.  He's smacked me because I had a spider on my head...and the other night, he wakes up turns on the light and has to kill this spider.  "I saw it!"

"You can't see it.  It's dark in here.  Go back to sleep!"

"No, I saw it!" He says as he takes a pillow in hand and goes hunting.

This is where I get annoyed.  He argues with me in his sleep.  Which makes me sarcastic.  "Okay, well you get 'em honey."  And then, I turn over.

So last night, I'm relaying all my interactive nights and I can barely get the words out, I'm laughing so hard.  And he's annoyed.  How can you not laugh at the fact that you're hunting in your sleep?  How is that not funny?  But you know, he was Superman in the dream.  He rescued me, and somehow he wants to be thanked for this.  

This is where I'm a terrible wife, I suppose.  I am not rewarding you for crazy sleep habits -- especially when they involve me.  It brings up a bigger issue though.  How does one go through life and not laugh at themselves?  We're our own best comedy, who would want to miss out on that?

On a sidenote, I'm glad he's having spider dreams.  They're supposed to mean money is coming into your life, and he stopped having them when he married me.  Hmmm...

And if it's any consolation, I am perfectly happy laughing at myself.  I do many a stupid thing, so it would be a long life without laughter.


Katy Perry & Russell Thrown in my Face Again!

In case you've missed it, I have an unhealthy interest in Katy Perry dating Russell Brand.  It's too fast, it's too furious and the two of them are TOO artistic.  So tonight, I'm watching the taped West Ham vs. Chelsea match (my son's an avid Chelsea fan) and I love to watch Soccer.  (Little known fact, I'm sure, but it's such a fast game, and beautiful even if no one scores, you can appreciate the play.)  Anyhoo, minding my own business and they pan to Russell and Katy -- and they're rooting for West Ham.  Boo all the way around!