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January 2011

Millionaire Matchmaker

Everyone has met one. The sociopath next door. The guy who causes people to become outlandishly upset and lose their tempers. Normally, good-natured folk who are trying to communicate with crazy-making behavior.

This sums up the gay date between Rhett and Matt Siegal (the son of cookie-diet Dr. Siegal.) Matt is everything wrong with the world. He didn't make his own money, yet thinks he's entitled because he's special and rich. He doesn't really want a partner, he wants someone who does whatever he wants them to do, and still they'll be berated and called names. He got rich making "cookies" that look like something my dog left behind and believes he's been too busy to find love.

Nope, not too busy. Too narcissistic? Too sociopathic? Perhaps. First of all, the matchmaker tries to get him to change his look -- which looks like Mr. Rogers meets Darin Stevens from "Bewitched" and it's not a good look. He takes none of the advice given to him, but rather brings a mix of eyeglasses with him to the mixer, like he's going to suddenly go from Clark Kent to Superman by changing his glasses.

Patti picks a few men for him including the vivacious Rhett, who lives up to his name. He's all personality and fun. This is quickly sucked dry by Matt, who pretentiously tells him they're going to learn from one of the best chefs in the world and then eat this magical meal.

Okay, really? Do you believe this guy, who sells nasty brown-hay looking cookies is a foodie? But Matt's idea of a date is making someone feel badly about themselves, so he proceeds to tell Rhett that he's sophomoric (while also admitting he thinks Woody Allen is the epitome of humor.) By the end of the date, Rhett doesn't know what has hit him, but Matt does -- because he gets a drink thrown in his face. And honestly, it was well-deserved.

Millionaire-Matchmaker-410-Being-Alone-Isn't the-Worst Thing-Hero
Then, Patti the matchmaker tells him he's going to be a dried-up, old crone in a nursing home. This doesn't really seem to bother Matt. This only builds up his belief that he is above everyone else and it's proof by the way they act. It never dawns on him that people act this way around HIM. All I can say is that no amount of money is worth being with a guy like this, and if this show teaches you anything, take that lesson to your overdrawn bank account.

I liked the Russian Elena, and hope the best for her. Matt? I hope he ends up the dried up old crone Patti predicts, or goes through a twelve-step program and apologizes for every nasty thing he's ever done to another person.

It's 2011!!

In Australia, but soon it will be upon us here as well, and it's going to be fabulous! We started this morning at my Chinese bakery, which has totally remodeled and looks so fabulous! I'm sure they had to get it done before their New Year -- which is later and bigger than our Christmas. Everything shuts down on Chinese New Year.

My oldest will drive this year. (He's been avoiding taking the test.) Yesterday, he's driving a tank in his 007 game and telling me he's learning to drive. I don't know, it's easier if you drive a car vs. a tank, and you're not shooting at things while you do it. Maybe it's me.

The interviews have started for "A Billion Reasons Why" and that makes me feel like a writer again. And I'm working with a financial planner to get out of this house! Ugh. Have I mentioned that I hate this house? Last night, we talked about if each of us had a bajillion dollars what we'd do with it -- I'd go back to my old house. And I know, Abraham didn't get to go back to Ur, but I still can't help feeling restless here, like this isn't where God has me.

So we're spending the day at the beach. It's gorgeous out (albeit cold) and nothing reminds you of looking to the future like looking into the horizon over the Pacific. (Maybe the Atlantic too, but I'm partial. We have REAL beaches, with cliffs and scenery!)

Got any goals for 2011? I know this will make some hate me, but I have to gain weight. The stress of this past month has taken its toll. Like I said, I started the day at the Chinese bakery. : )

Life in California

Yesterday, Elle went with her dad to Muir Woods. I sent her with my camera because she loves nature and loves to capture it on film.


So she came home and she tells me she saw a GUY in Pajamajeans. She says, "Mom, his butt looked totally weird, and I'm staring at him and--"

Apparently, it was two guys holding hands, so her dad tells her, "Stop staring!

And she goes, "Mom, I wasn't staring because they were gay, I didn't even notice it was two guys! I just saw the guy wearing girl jeans! His butt looked all weird and I was trying to figure out what he was wearing!" But then comes the kicker. "I told dad I watch HGTV! I know what gay people are, but I never saw real pajamajeans on someone." LOL


Living in a Dream World...

The best part of my job is that I get to live in my imagination, and let's face it, when the world gets ugly, our imaginary world is a better place to be. I have a very vivid imagination. I can "see" the places I create, the conversations I can hear and it's only the grammar that gets in my way and slows me down. The pacing that gets to me. You know, the work part.

What's funny is that I "saw" this pond and the rustic building I needed and lo and behold, there is such a place in our Vermont town. The town of Smitten comes to life, the characters start to speak and all is well in the world. Maybe not my head, but seeing the world through rose-colored glasses is a beautiful viewpoint.


Here's my view of reality today: I went to Bed, Bath & Beyond to get an electric blanket. They played Barry Manilow, Staying Alive by the Bee Gees and my very favorite song in the world, "In the Mood" by Glenn Miller. Naturally, I danced through all of them while my son cringed, ", I do NOT know you!" But he failed to tell me my tag was hanging out of my shirt. I asked if he noticed, he's like "Yeah, but I figured you deserved it dancing through the store." LOL yeah, going back to my imaginary world now. I'm way cooler there.

Yogi knows Romance...

I drew the short straw and had to take the younger ones to "Yogi Bear" tonight. In 3-D no less. $38 for one adult and two kids. That's insane! But naturally, it's not playing when it's convenient in regular format.

However, I thought it was cute. Predictable and long, but cute. However, during the romance scene, I was pleasantly surprised to hear my beloved Matt Nathanson playing in the background. : )


My BFF got the boys these shirts for Xmas. I LOVE them, and naturally, all the kids at their geek school will too. It's the symbols for Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock from Big Bang Theory.

You know, I love physicists. I find them fascinating and I tried to sell a physicist heroine forever! And no one got it. It died a sad proposal death. "Big Bang Theory" has redeemed my love of the nerdy. See, if you make physicists accessible, people will get it. This area is one of four or five in the world that nuclear particle physicists can live. (They need a collider, places to split atoms, that kind of thing.) Tell me that would NOT be fun to make fun of -- see, and I had the idea well before Big Bang Theory. So wrong.


On Friendship...

Friendship is…the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words. ~ George Eliot

This feeling of safety cannot be underscored. A friend has your back and there is peace in that, no matter what calamities befall us. As a sensitive person with a poet's heart and occasionally, a sailor's mouth, my friends know my heart. Thank God for every one of you this year. Here's my new teapot from Beth -- a nice picture of friendship an comfort:


Do you have an Inny or an Outty?

I do believe this is the only personal question I wasn't asked today. I did a really old person thing today. I got life insurance. Not only do you have to disclose everything about yourself, but you have to disclose your family's info too. Which is such an invasion of privacy -- considering I don't want to die any more than they want me to die. We're both hoping the policy doesn't pay out, am I right?

First off, I was happy that my agent was Chinese. (My people!) He knew right where I lived since I'm near the Ranch 99 Supermarket Center -- where English is spoken at the Starbucks and that's about it.

I could have sung him some Adam Ant, "Don't drink, don't smoke, what do you do?" And I don't Scuba dive, parachute, bungee jump or...look, the worst thing that's going to happen to me adventure-wise is that I'm going to sprain my wrist with the Visa, all right?

Am I going out of the country in the next two years? I'm going to Jamaica on a cruise, does that count? It counts.

Have I ever wanted to kill myself? I thought about joking that they don't pay out for that, right? But I realized that wasn't funny. Especially to an insurance guy. No, I don't want to die. That's why I'm betting on the life insurance. This is one investment I want to go bad.

How much do I weigh? How tall am I? Now we're getting personal. These are things I might lie about if the Wii Fit didn't keep me honest. Have I lost more than ten pounds in the last year? Why? Do I look better?

No. But I don't weigh what my driver's license says either. Next up: the physical. They come to your house. I can't get a pizza delivered here, but I can get a physical. I hope I have a good hair day on Tuesday. I wouldn't want that to hold me back. Incidentally, I have an inny. : )

Maintaining Balance

I woke up with a migraine, so forgive me if this is convoluted. But I got an email this morning from a natural doctor that I've been following for over ten years. In that time, I've watched him go from being a natural doctor touting healthy choices, to a charlatan selling snake oil from his site. He now screams everything is killing us, and I find it hard to trust his site any longer. He's become so zealous that he forgets the rest of us live in the real world and we all can't avoid everyday toxins (like air!)

Back in the day I used to listen to a Bible show on the radio, but over the years, I heard the guy getting crazier and crazier, as if his word on the Bible was the only infallible truth. His head got so huge, I literally wanted to slap some sense into him (which my son says Mythbusters proved can be done!)


This is how I think most people deal with fame. Once they get famous for something, they have to be SOOO that thing that they have no balance in their life. Heidi Montag had to become MORE of Heidi Montag. Angelina sees herself as a mom, so why not have 18 and still travel around the world? People, so desperate for attention, are becoming cartoon versions of themselves, don't you think?

People need to know who they are, not let others define them. At the same time, you have to be open for input and hear from loved ones when you're getting out of whack. IT's really about control. People don't want to face the fact that we have very little control over some things that happen to us. And while we're busy controlling this aspect of our lives, another will run afoul. I have an acquaintance who I believe has an eating disorder. She only eats vegetables. She forces them down the throats of others. (one time she had my son open one of her "meals" at a restaurant and he literally upchucked at the smell. LOL)

Anyway, this gal is so controlling over what her kids eat and what they do. She makes them pray before they watch a PG movie, that kind of thing. But when her son went away to soccer camp, he down a 12-pak of Pepsi in a day. This is what a lack of balance does to your life. The fact is, if you're too religious? You're not the beacon of faith if people can't connect to you. All of this control to me is about keeping people at arm's length and not allowing your true self to be seen.

Next time you see someone controlling their universe, look at their connections...are they there? If someone were to tell them this isn't who you really are, if they were to hear the "truth", would their world fall apart? People need more love. Love and connection balance. My two cents.

I've finally been to Middle-earth...

When my boys were younger, I read them "The Hobbit" -- twice, in fact. I remember thinking it was little monsters just going somewhere and creatures trying to stop them. Never got the point. Which I know is blasphemy to many fans. But I was never able to get through the Lord of the Rings books. So many characters. So many weird names and places I couldn't imagine in my mind. Oddly enough, the Hobbit was more for my simpleton brain.

Last night we watched the third "Lord of the Rings" movie. I'd seen the first one, turned it off before it was over because I had NO idea what was going on. It was like battle-battle, battle-battle, run with this ring, Gollum cries, "My Precious", more chasing, more shooting, more bad guys who look like death warmed over, etc.

So the third one was the same. I do not get it. But my son loves history and he was explaining how Tolkien was an ancient history professor and language specialist at Oxford and how this represented that language and blah, blah, blah. We watched it, and I kept my laptop open to LOTR lore websites, so I could understand partially what was happening.

I do wish I had Tolkien's mind to create such a multi-dimensional world, but then, it's so depressing! My world is pretty, with pink sparkly things and I like it that way. Even if it does make me frothy and shallow.

Now I'm going to make my son watch "Gone with the Wind" and read "Brave New World" which was my favorite science fiction book. Every time I'd watch a Real Housewives' franchise, I'd think of a line from that book, "She's so pneumatic!"

Happy Monday all. Hoarders is on, dare I depress myself?


Coming Out is Bad for Business says Richard Chamberlain

This, according to openly gay actor Richard Chamberlain -- who didn't come out officially until he was 69 in his memoir. Here's the whole story if you're interested,

But really, I'm only interested because I want to see that barn scene again in "The Thorn Birds" and this reminded me. I am planning myself a movie party. I can happily separate his orientation from his acting. Oh. My. Goodness. I LOOOVE that miniseries. I know Colleen McCollough hated it. Called it dog vomit, and I do agree that the book is much, much better. But then again, the MINISERIES has Richard Chamberlain. Shirtless. LOL