"We're in Las Vegas and we have NO idea where we're going!"
"OH my gosh, it's a HOTEL! What are the chances? A hotel in VEGAS??
First up? One-on-one date with Shawntel. She's from a small town, which is nothing like Vegas. I"m sorry, but I think Chico is a lot like Las Vegas -- without the lights. They go on a high-end shopping spree. Brad tries on a Willy Wonka jacket. Shawntel picks a winner of a dress and has bags and bags of loot. That's a consolation prize. I could go home with that.
Michelle is talking now when Shawntel arrives with the bags and bags o stuff. A Fendi bag. Really? With Brad in real life, could he afford a Coach? I mean, no biggie on the money issue, only that it's easy to throw money around when your date is sponsored.
Brad traded the purple jacket for a purple tie. Wise move. I'm getting a little tired of Brad's depth talk about how he has to focus on this "one relationship" right now when he's macking on whoever he's with. It's hard to believe he's utterly sincere, is it not? Brad's far too comfortable being a player in my humble opinion.
Now he and Shawntel are on the roof. Shawntel, a funeral director, is eating as she talks about replacing blood with chemical. I have to say, if he doesn't pick her, she is definitely my favorite for the Bachelorette. The fact that he makes it through the date, laughs readily and hands her the rose, scores some points for Brad.They kiss under the fireworks. Not bad after telling a guy how you mold a human face.
The group date is next and Ashley & Ashley have the two-on-one, which makes Michelle gleeful. And...wait for it...they're racing Nascar cars. Nascar in Vegas. Pass me some pork rinds.
So far, Chantal seems like a natural. Doesn't her daddy own a car dealership? As we mentioned last week, it's pretty cold to Emily. My son just came in and said, "This is so messed up!" He's 12. Why can't ABC figure it out? Seth also asked, "How does Bachelor get a budget? This show sucks!" LOL No one is shy of an opinion in my house.
We now find out that Emily's former fiance crashed at the Vegas track and that ended his career. Seriously, whoever planned this date with her on it, is a sociopath. A total and complete sociopath. I hope the drama they tried to pass onto Emily bites 'em in the bum! Chris Harrison claims this was all planned before they knew her history or that she was a contestant. Yeah, I've got some land to sell you Chris.
Now we're back at the hotel and Brad asks for more private time with Emily. So a catfight ensues. Chantal sees the best in Brad and I love her. Now Brad is freaking out over Emily's baggage and we get the whole sincere Brad discussion with the camera again. I think I just vomited a little. Brad's intimidated by the dead racecar driver.
Next girl up is crying. "It's hard to feel special." Brad's sincerity is really starting to get on my nerves. Anybody else?
Son Seth: "This show is lame."
Chantal let the love comment slip. I really love the two of them together. He can't take his eyes off her and he doesn't try that bull "I understand, it's hard" stuff with her.
Ashley the dentist and Ashley the nanny are going to "swing with the king."
Seth says, "The King? Narcissist!" Oh my gosh, he is so my kid. He's doing his homework behind me and just listening.
Michelle steals him away on the group date and says, "Brad is a man babysitting a bunch of little girls." She has some strong man energy. Is it just me? Brad says he has a way of making him forget everything -- dude, that's called hormones.
He gives Emily the rose. I think this is a bad call and they walk away holding hands. Have some class! More deep, inner Brad thoughts. Gag. Brad looks puffed up, like if you pressed his muscles, it would leave a dent.
Seth again, "How can you blog on this? Even you know it's crap or you wouldn't be laughing." Just because something is complete and utter garbage doesn't mean it isn't enjoyable.
Two on one date. This should be psycho and fun. We're going to be in..."Viva Elvis! Cirque du Soleil" Okay, seeing them twirl about the ceiling, is anyone thinking of the Ashley Vegas wedding at the end of "What a Girl Wants" -- Patrice and Junien live!
Ashley the Nanny has some good inner thoughts about how she needs her confidence. There is a reason I have never been to the Vegas strip and I think we're seeing it here tonight.
Brad and Ashley the dentist are now flying with robotic, ballet moves to Elvis music. It is not pretty. Change scene to romantic dinner for three. And the rose goes to...Ashley the dentist. Ashley the Nanny is good people. You go, girl. To be dumped on the Vegas Strip feels especially caustic, does it not? At least she gets a limo and not a bus. Lord, I hope we don't have to sit through the "performance."
I love how deeply Brad misses girl number one, and he's over it by the time he's back in the restaurant. We have to sit through the performance. Come on, it would have been cooler to go to the Barry Manilow show. And then, I would have enjoyed myself! Brad is now in camouflage tights. No one needs to see that. Now I know why people drink in Vegas. I would definitely need a goldfish bowl of margaritas to make it through that show.
We have limo crying!!
Now he's calling his therapist because when Brad sees that women are getting emotionally attached, his first reaction is to close down (ie., not mack with anyone and everyone.) So he calls for some mental Viagra and he's all fired up and ready to let the girls take their lumps again. Brad is like his own personal Jesus. He's SO over the guilt after a brief second of repentance.
Psychologist: Make yourself vulnerable. Producer behind the psychologist: Give him some psychobabble that makes it's okay to kiss everyone. There is STRENGTH in his vulnerability, don't let their silly tears and sobbing fool you. It's about being VULNERABLE, BRAD!
Cocktail party: Brad is worried about Chantal being a drama queen. Not Michelle, Chantal. This guy is dumb as a rock. He tells her she has to stop giving her so much crap Really? Sometimes, honey, people give you crap because you need a good slap.
Now he's making Ali feel special by giving her dessert. Michelle looks like she's going to kill someone -- you know, I'm thinking Michelle may be right. Maybe she IS the woman for Brad. Now Brad is trapped in a room with Michelle in her Zebra dress. Growl! Dude, you are safer on safari than with this chick. Get a CLUE!
I get why Brad likes Michelle. She talks slowly to him. She tells him what to do. That makes Brad feel smart. He likey.
Shawntel, Emily & Ashley have roses, so they're "safe." There are still people in that line who probably should have gone home on night one. He picks Michelle first. Chantal looks like she's going to cry because she might be discovering the man she likes may not be all that bright. Ali is next. Okay, I know it could be editing, but tell me Ali was not more of a drama queen than Chantal.
Who's Britt? She got a rose.
Jackie. Another drama queen. I'm beginning to think he doesn't understand the meaning of that phrase. Maybe to Brad, drama queen translates to "she doesn't believe that I'm strong and vulnerable because I am forcing myself to kiss everyone!"
He picks Chantal last and she tells him, "You're killing me" I am not liking that he punishes girls by saving them for last if they didn't "act right" toward him. That does not bode well for marriage. Punishers are HORRIBLE people to live with -- they essentially play God.
Marissa?? is going home. She gets the taxi. Cold.
You know, I'd be happier leaving Vegas with a Fendi bag than Brad. Just sayin -- Next week: Costa Rica. And then South Africa. I hope Michelle brings her zebra outfit.