One thing we know about Brad. This is a reality show in that no one is writing his lines. Could he possibly be so slow as to not realize even the strongest of women is going to have a little trouble with watching you, their potential mate, hang on other women? I mean, unless you're Charlie Sheen's harem, and you know what you're there for -- you take the money and run. Only THEN, are you going to appear to be completely secure in oneself. Since it's not about the cash, Brad. We have to assume these women have feelings.
Not that your over-thinking can change that, but you are certainly capable of arguing yourself into oblivion. And no, this is not entertaining.
His fears over Chantal? Maybe a roller-coaster.
His fears over Ashley? He doesn't know where her feelings are and he wonders where her heart is. She scares him a bit.
Emily -- she's one in a million (ie., out of his league) and he's a better self around her. He makes her giddy. She's a truly sweet woman, but her past intimidates him. Naturally, that's not his insecurities or anything. Pot? Meet Kettle. Sigh. I'm starting to believe in the Law of Attraction watching this.
Random fact: Elephants are my favorite animal.
Brad's afraid of being alone. That is not a great omen for future success in a relationship. No one can complete you. It's just a line from a Tom Cruise movie. Nothing more.
First up Chantal in safari gear and Daisy Dukes. They're going on safari. They come across a pride of lions. This is not a dream of mine. I'm good at the lion. I didn't let my son go on Safari with his grandfather because they're so many plane crashes in Africa. Yes, I'm a freaky mother. But watching this, I feel completely right. Can't you see all this at Disneyworld?
So they're going on a picnic. Next to the river. Have these two never watched the Discovery Channel? Don't they know what can pop out of that river?? There's a hippo in the water. Do you know that hippos kill more people than lions? See, they're too ignorant to know and they're just picnicking. There is a guide with a gun. I imagine he knows the statistics on hippos. Chantal is saying she really trusts him to take care of her. Girlfriend, trust the man with the gun.
I don't think they've even seen "The Lion King" at this point. They're toasting in front of the hippo. Now we're at a meal and Brad gets all intense (or as my daughter says, cheesy) He tells her he's most comfortable around her. Never has falling in love been less romantic. They both will talk this relationship to death.
Ah, the fantasy suite where Chris Harrison pimps out a room. Or in this case, a tree house. That SUUUUCKKS! Are you kidding me?? Just a rose-petaled bed in the middle of the freaking veldt! But Chantal's in love and calls it an adventure/fairy tale. I'm not in love and I see a bad backyard date with wild animals. Blech!
Emily has also opted for boots and Daisy Dukes. They're going for an elephant ride!! A HUGE African elephant. OKay, I'd take this date, but I'd be happy to do it again at Marine World. Just saying. Emily, being a mom, has seen "The Lion King" so it's a good thing she wasn't on the hippo picnic.
Dinner with Emily is awkward. The two of them have a lot of words, but it feels like nothing has really been said. She's trying "to put herself out there" and Brad loves it because he reads so much into it, but now comes the fantasy suite card.
In a plethora of words, she says yes to the fantasy suite, no to hanky panky. Emily gets a real room. I wonder if Brad gets to pick who goes on which date. More awkward talk, only now we're inside. Emily needs an editor.
She tells him she's falling in love with him. He says right back atcha.
Ashley's turn. She's also in Daisy Dukes, only they're torn on the side. Ashley's biggest fear is a helicopter. In South Africa, I'd be really freaking. She's in full-on tears and he says it's safe. He'll keep her safe. Earth to Ashley, if you're going down in a helicopter, he's going down too. I have a thing about flying in Russia or Africa. So I'm with Ashley on this one.
Now they've landed on "God's Window" -- and it is gorgeous. And yay, a picnic! Brad has concerns that Ashley has a life. And that might not mesh with his life. I don't know, I totally see a dentist with a barkeep.
Interrupted for "Dancing with the Stars" contestants. Don't watch that, but..
Sugar Ray Leonard. (Yummy.)
Ralph Macchio (The Karate Kid)
Petra Nemkova (Supermodel) They're revealing more later.
Back to Ashley. She talks like a Valley Girl. It gets to me. Okay, so like what I felt for you when I like, first met you, well, not like when I first met you, but like AHHH!! I seriously want to kill myself listening to these two You're on your own. I'm skipping. They end up having an awkward dinner because she hadn't realized that Brad had so many fears about their relationship.
He's hoping to make it up to her in the fantasy suite. But nope. She's not having it. He wants the carefree Ashley he fell for, back. Ie., He doesn't want to be called on how he overthinks everything until you want to punch him. He has the natural connection with Ashley and he's going to blow it and not pick her I'll bet. That natural connection where it's easy to be around her and laugh and have fun, is WAY more important than thinking she's the most beautiful (Emily) If he sends Ashley home over Emily, he's an idiot.
During the rose ceremony, to make it more awkward, Brad pulls Ashley aside. THey're still overtalking and more awkwardness. Ashley's told goodbye before the Rose Ceremony. He's pretty cold at this point, and the fact that she called him on it throughout the show proves my point, listen to your gut!! IT's not lying to you. It's totally him, Ashley. Not you. And he's actually mad she won't hug him and "feel the love" -- like she hasn't been in there when you go back and party with a toast to the last girl's absence.
Brad is a tool. Run Chantal. Run Emily! This is a man who spends half his morning deciding what color sock to wear. Ashley says they got "lost in translation" Maybe if she grunted more.
Honestly, I have never cared less who a bachelor picked. He needs to know the women and he are in this together. Oh. My. Gosh. They're not in this together. Unless you're planning a move to Utah.
Hines Ward (sports guy?)
Mike Catherwood ???
Chris Jericho ???
Kirstie Alley -- okay that one I'm excited about!!