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She Blinded Me With Science...

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Science labs aren't fun like a Thomas Dolby song. It's all grey and monotone, and depressing. Add some color, people! Maybe now that girls are going into science, we will get some fashion colors into the labs.

Squid are disgusting. Dissecting a squid is thoroughly disgusting. And I will not be eating calamari any longer. One of the chaperones looked exactly like Hannibal Lechter with an earring. The stories I could come up with that -- late one night, under a starry night next to the antique telescope pointed North...

We watched a movie in the Planetarium on the Mayan sky. Okay, if they're trying to prove how genius the Mayan calendar was, they have to lose the crap about the two brothers who get pummeled by a Macaw and become day and night, AFTER they go to hell and rescue their father (who grows into the god of corn) in a freakish ballgame of death.

Sometimes, we have to know which part of family legacies to stick with and which ones to leave to history.

Finally, there is the Bill Nye fake science of climate change exhibit, where in colorful stations, they teach our kids why we are responsible for everything wrong with the planet. But since we have no where else to live, we better ride bikes and compost. Then, they have colorfully-dressed spokespeople while you eat lunch to explain "zero-waste" lunch. Which I have nothing against, but seriously, they can't get a better spokesperson than that dorky guy who weighs what I do? If you want to make science cool in today's era, you need Megan Fox to explain climate change -- or maybe get her a new weather balloon tattoo.

After the field trip, I got off the bus and the teacher said to me, "I talked to your son about the advanced math class, which he's ready for. He'll need to take the test, but he's --"

I actually turned around and said, "My kid? Do you have the right mom?"

But she did. My kid's a genius in math. Like his brothers! Genetics are a funny thing. As there is much weeping and gnashing of teeth if they have to read a book. Off to Starbucks! I deserve it! I had one little kid who was like wrangling a monkey all day.

P.S. They 'composted' all the squid parts after we were done with the dissection. That was appetizing. Happy St. Paddy's Day in Australia! Nicole celebrated my way (she got a new handbag! YAY!)


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