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June 2013
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Simon Cowell is Going to be a Father

He has previously said that he's never wanted to be a parent, but apparently, this woman, his friend's estranged wife, changed his mind. Or it was changed for him, we'll never know.

Still, I think it's good for someone as selfish as Simon to have a child. I don't think there's any way they can see they're that selfish until someone comes before them. I only hope this baby is going to do it for him. He's a perfectionist, so hopefully, he'll try to do that well too.

I think we can see by their pictures what they have in common:



Do the math, Teresa...

Speaking of not living in reality, Teresa Guidice and her husband Joe, from "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" are said to be $11 million in debt.

Seriously, is that his business? How do you get to be $11 million dollars in debt? Who loans you that kind of money when your income is around $200k a year?

They are also said to owe $2.2 million in mortgages, so what's the other 9 mil for?


A lot of people really struggled after the financial crisis, but they downsized and took proper steps to live within their means. It doesn't seem that Teresa or Joe think that's an option. I also find it hard to believe that's all they make with four NYT bestsellers.

I really felt for Teresa if she was not aware of the fraud her husband was committing (you're still responsible as a spouse) but then I see she has an $13k Neiman Marcus and Nordstrom bill. You know, Nordstrom has a card that attaches to your credit card. So if you can't afford it (ie., the money isn't in your checking account) you shouldn't be there.


This is why my Prada sits and waits for me.

Gwyneth Paltrow is Coming Home...Lucky Us!

I love Gwyneth...just because she's clueless in that Martha Stewart way. She is so committed to perfection, she has no idea that relationships aren't about being perfect. So while she looks amazing and makes her kids roll sushi and watch cartoons in French, I can't help but feel for her. Actually, not her so much as the people around her.

There's a lot she's right about, but her OCD is so over the top, she can't see at all how unrealistic her lifestyle is for the masses. Still, the article is fun and I think England is glad we're getting her back. We've shared her greatness long enough apparently.


I'm a Romantic...Sort of...You?

So I'm still reading "Tell the Wolves I'm Home" and I ran across this perfect description of me. I think that's why my mother doesn't like this book. She doesn't overanalyze crap and she acknowledges that people can be jerks. I try to romanticize everything and really have a hard time with people being cruel without motive. I think there always has to be a reason. But sometimes, people are just jerks. Here's the pretty quote by Carol Rifka Brunt:

"Being a romantic means you always see what's beautiful. What's good. You don't want to see the gritty truth of things..."

I'm a pseudo-romantic. I see the gritty side of things. I try to avoid them and live in a happy place. I'm like a sponge with emotions. Seeing people suffer makes me suffer. Do you relate to that at all? I think God went overboard on the empathy gene with some of us. I know someone who could USE some, so why not dole it out equally?? Just sayin'

I also have to say, I HATE this cover, and it doesn't describe the book or its contents well at all. I wonder if it would have sold even faster if word of mouth didn't need to get past that awful cover. It's supposed to be a Russian Tea Pot, I guess, which is central to the story, but I didn't realize that until I tried to figure out what exactly it was.


Well, that was depressing #Bachelorette

I don't know about you, but I tuned in last night for an evening of fake, reality romance. And what did I get? Sucker-punched with a painful breakup that no one needs to relive. We've all been there, and it sucks. Did we need to see that it sucks even if you're in paradise?


I contest we did not. And don't tell me that's reality TV. There is no reality in traveling to Antigua for a "date" with three men. We get enough reality in our worlds. We want FANTASY. Happily Ever After. Romance.

And how come he got to leave in the limo verses the pedo van?

Needless to say, I was disappointed. I have to leave my paradise today. My parents' house where I happily had forgotten my laptop, my Kindle and any work. Now I have to go home to do some writing for the plastic surgeons, some marketing for Secretly Smitten and kids' shots for school. Sigh.

The worst thing that happens here is my parents nag me about how something was built. When we were blowing up a raft, I said, "Is there electricity up at the pool? Or do I need to blow this up at the house?"

"You built the house!"

"No, I built a door on the bathroom and purchased the four specialty bathtubs. That's it. All I contributed. Oh wait, and the paint colors."

I did cry to get Internet because the phone lines weren't in, and some lovely man went up on the roof and gave me a wireless antenna. I love that man. Other than that, I contributed nothing. FYI, there IS electricity at the pool. The house was fashioned by an engineer. You'd be hard-pressed to find something you wanted that isn't here. That's why it makes going "home" even more difficult. But I thought I'd be happy about ROMANCE, so it would be easier. Not so!

My paradise comes complete with MOMMY! You never outgrow a little spoiling, do you? My boys are stopping by to taunt their cousin who is making sandwiches and my cousin (his dad) is meeting us. That's my only motivation at the moment.

Photo (3)


I'm having trouble staying awake. Brooks has analysis paralysis. Drew is still coming on strong and Chris is still writing bad poetry. My kids are only letting me catch every third word

Here comes Brooks. Des is putting on the hard sell giving him full belly button. Brooks has talked his feels over with his mom and now he runs to Chris. #PublicTherapy. It comes down to he can't commit yet. All of the aspects of Des aren't there. He doesn't know if he's in love.

He's not in love. Chris makes certain to twist the knife for Des later. It's not Des. Oh this is not going to be pretty.

Des is so excited to see Brooks and he won't kiss her. Then he walks her, sits down on a bench and proceeds to babble incoherently. Des is in tears waiting and it's excruciating watching her.

She tells him she misses him everyday and he says he really wanted to be madly in live with her. He won't look her on the eye. She crumbles into his arms. Why now?

He didn't know. I believe him. I think there's a lot Brooks doesn't know. He doesn't feel the moments apart are hard enough. Ouch. I can't even joke. It's too hard to watch her pain. Get it together dude!

The Book Whisperer...

My mother can read a book and you'd never know she's touched it. I, however, make a book look a hundred years' old with one reading. We left for my mom's after a party and so I forgot my Kindle, my laptop and all nature of books, so I had to read one of my mother's. I really thought I'd make a concerted effort with this one because it was in pristine condition. Well, the kids splashed me at the pool, I left it open without a bookmark...let's just say, it's a mess already.

Luckily, my mother didn't care for the book and had already read it. I would never know that because it was in perfect condition. Then, to add insult to injury, she says to me this morning, "You didn't get very far in that book."

"I'm a slow reader. This author has so many great thoughts. It takes me a long time."

"Meh," she says. "I like story. It didn't move quickly enough for me."

Sigh. So not only am I like Pigpen with a book, I'm slow too. My self-esteem is suffering. (Not really) We're going to get a pedicure this morning, so I'll read some more there. Let's see if I can not throw it into the foot spa while I'm there.


This is what I'm reading. "Tell the Wolves I'm Home" by Carol Rifka Brunt. A debut novel -- okay THAT damages my self-esteem. Her writing is very descriptive and she has some great thoughts. Like this one:

"Believe what you want," she said, turning away and heading for the stairs.

But that was impossible and Greta knew it. You could try to believe what you wanted, but it never worked. Your brain and your heart decided what you were going to believe and that was that. Whether you liked it or not."

Are you a slow reader? Or is that just me?

Music Trend -- Branding or Obnoxious Self-Promotion?

I seriously can't stand how the new songs all have the singers rapping their names in them -- like at the end of a concert by an opening act and they say, "Hey, we're the Captive Monkeys, thanks for listening!"


Now, they're doing it in all the songs. With Pit Bull leading the pack. I mean, I know the guy is named Pit Bull, I shouldn't expect much, but I'm just so over this trend.

Imagine if I just stopped the book mid-sentence and said, KRISTIN BILLERBECK. Yeah, KRISTIN BILLERBECK! Is there something about having a tune around your name that makes this any more acceptable? I say nay-nay!

2 Chainz does make it easy for me though. I know it's HIS music that I do not like.

On a musical note, my kids all have different tastes.
Trey's really into the Eagles, ELO and AC/DC,
Seth likes 80's alternative,
Jonah just likes sounds -- and soundtracks from Anime, and Elle -- oh my goodness,
Elle loves all that tween pop. One Direction, Ross Lynch -- TEEN BEACH MOVIE -- I think I know that by heart already. My girlfriend has a phone cover that is a unicorn excreting cupcakes from its bum. That's how I describe Elle's music.


But they ALL agree and LOVE that song, "Blurred Lines" and it is SOO dirty. I think it has rape undertones, but I can't be sure because I don't understand most of what he's saying. I try to remember that I didn't know anything I was singing when I was a kid, but it comes on the radio and all four of them will agree. I remember when they were happy listening to Veggietales. Sigh. "We're the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything"


Would you use the Skinny Mirror?

This mirror is supposed to make you look ten pounds lighter.


Which for me would last until I got to Starbucks and saw my reflection in the window. Then, I'd be like, whose caboose is that following me?

I imagine that retailers will be purchasing these in bulk. And their returns might go up as a result. I don't personally see the point of fooling yourself this way. It's like setting the scale back five pounds. Don't you know better? That's a lot of energy to lie to yourself.

Now, this does not apply to the clock. My clocks are always set five minutes fast. And it works for me. So who am I to judge?