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December 2013
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February 2014

Hero Answer

I cannot get this off of my mind. Last night, the woman on "Millionaire Matchmaker" wanted a Mr. Darcy type. (Who doesn't? There's a reason he's fictional!) Anyway, there was a candidate who was really handsome. He dressed like Darcy, and he even had a good hair day. But when our heroine asked him his favorite movie, he replied, "Finding Nemo."


I screamed out at the TV, "No, the acceptable answer is DIEHARD!"

If he'd said TOY STORY, maybe I could forgive, but I really think that Nemo is just an unacceptable answer for a hero. I know, it's totally wrong. It should be okay for him to answer truthfully. But truthfully? I'd be like, "Really dude? Nemo?"

I'm soooo judgmental, and I don't exactly want to watch DIEHARD so why wouldn't I have picked him either? Answers??

What movie can you watch again and again? I have too many to list -- Nemo is not on that list.

I'm going to Starbucks because I am getting nothing done here...

Kim & Kanye's Paris Wedding

Kim and Kanye plan to be married in Paris in June. The wedding is said to be costing $30 million. Gosh, I just pray that figure isn't true. Why on earth would someone want to make such a spectacle of their THIRD wedding? Especially when the last one only made it 72 days.

It's their money -- I don't really care how they spend it, but hasn't Kim learned anything? It's not about the wedding. That's an event. The marriage is what matters -- and granted, none of us probably believe this volatile combo is going to make it anyway, but I think they should save some of their cash for the divorce. Which will definitely cost more.

I hope they make it, but Jill Zarin, formerly of the Real Housewives of New York, used to say, "A marriage can only have one peacock."

I think that's sage advice. Someone has to be the background person. Otherwise, that is a lot of energy in one home.


Kanye says he's been writing his wedding vows -- I hope he isn't using his song, "Gold Digger."

I know I'm a smart alec about it all, but I really want for them to find some peace in their life. Money keeps them from dealing with their real issues, and that's why I don't have a lot of hope for their marriage. But seriously, $30 million! Go buy a country or something.

What would make you think you're WORTH a thirty million dollar wedding? That has to be some serious narcissism.

Bruce Jenner is going to walk her down the aisle. I heard it said, he keeps trying to give her away, but she keeps coming back like a bad penny.


I have to whine. I'm writing for the plastic surgeons, and I've been doing this page on acne. Okay, I am not good with bodily functions, I'll admit it. The words sweat, bacteria, backne -- they all skeeve me out. I know, I'm a child, but whatever. I'm trying to make it so when you read about it, you'll want to get it taken care of, but you're not so grossed out that you have to go take a shower.

Apparently, people work out and get sweaty and this increases skin troubles. See, I knew there was a reason I stick with yoga. Sweat. Yuck.

I like to focus on pretty things, like new makeup and a great color lipstick. If your sweat is causing acne and freckly skin -- let's just agree that something must be done about it. There is reason I write fiction, I guess.


Styx Never won a Grammy...

I got a Living Social deal today for Styx. It said the grammy-nominated group. SERIOUSLY? NOMINATED? That can only be because the music was just so much better back then. I mean, Renegade, Come Sail Away, Rockin' the Paradise, Babe...

This year the big winners were Daft Punk and Ryan Lewis & Macklemore.

Seriously. ONE HIT WONDERS! Okay, maybe two-hits.

Gosh, it just depresses me how bad music is getting. It's become a visual medium. Check it out. Styx ain't great looking -- because it's about the SOUND. Video killed the radio star -- how true that is.


Alec Baldwin Travels -- Alert the Media!

So every time that Alec Baldwin seems to travel, he gets into some kind of road rage (passenger rage?) syndrome. The latest is that in the Bahamas, security searched his baby. (Oh the horror!)

"Flying from Nassau, Bahamas 2 NY. TSA 'random selects' my 5 month old daughter 4 a pat down. I am not kidding. #travelinginUSisadisgrace," he wrote Monday.

When his Twitter followers -- and seriously people, do you need that kind of negativity in your life? pointed out that there was no TSA in the Bahamas, he pointed out the following:

"I wrote re security at Bahamas airport, US TSA or no, to highlight over- zealous practices," he wrote, "But thank God 4 that brigade of geniuses...,"

"I guess what I'm saying is: Traveling in the US is a pain in the ... a**," he concluded.

I think doing anything with Alec Baldwin is a pain in the a**. This is one angry dude. He just got back from the Bahamas. Clearly, his yoga-posing wife and the sun & sandy beaches was enough where there wasn't a violent outburst. Only a Twitter rant. I guess we should be thankful.

I guess I just find this funny as no one is more liberal than Alec, and big government is their thing. He asked for this. He just meant for you and me -- the little people. He clearly shouldn't be searched. Man, if anyone should be searched, it's the angry ranter who throws a tantrum over "Words with Friends."


I'll bet Kim Basinger thanks her lucky stars every day. His new wife is too busy posting Instagram photos of herself in strange yoga positions to notice much of Alec's outbursts. That's probably a good thing. His daughter Ireland came out in defense of Alec saying, parents should understand. He has a baby to protect.

Yes, he does. That's why he should be thankful someone is patting down people who might bring a bomb on the airplane! Alec really needs to just stay home. Or to travel by private plane.

My name is Kristin and I have "Caffeine Use Disorder"

Dang, I love how everything is a disease these days. Caffeine, they say, is a hidden problem that may cause need for treatment...

Or violence, if you don't get out of my way before I've had my coffee. Incidentally, I did not drink coffee until I was 30. (Thank you, Jonah and your colicky nights from the dark side!)

From the article, here are the signs of trouble: Physical dependence, interferes with daily functioning, and can be difficult to give up.

You say tomato, I say to-mah-to. Try daily functioning without it. Of course, there are people who consider caffeine poison and won't touch it. They usually are pasty like Gwyneth Paltrow and have no fun in life. If that's healthy, pull me another shot.

I will concede that people can have a growing dependence on this legalized drug -- and one may have to up the ante to get the same, for lack of a better term, "buzz." But can you imagine a world where the vast majority of us did not drink caffeine? Where would we meet our neighbors? (Okay, if we were in the Middle East, we'd have the Hookah lounges -- elsewhere the bars.)

This is the reason caffeine addiction is acceptable. Smoking is bad for your lungs, drinking bad for your liver. Caffeine is bad for you, if you get between me and the Starbucks. Speaking of which, I'm late!



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#Bachelor in Korea

The girl's are excited, they get to travel. Clare says, "Korea! I don't even have a kimono!" LOL I wonder if she doesn't have a Burqa either. Just as relevant.

First up: Group Date -- Card says Pop. K-Pop (It's very popular here with my daughter's friends.) The girls think they may be chewing bubble gum.

Nikki is already bawling because she has to share her man on a group date. Gosh. Didn't see that coming. Once they get to meet the singers/dancers from "2ne1" Nikki is still whining because she can't dance and hopes the audience if from the school for the blind. Kat thinks she's the reincarnation of Ginger Rogers.


They all dress in bright, cartoon colors. Nikki said she didn't realize they were THAT popular. I guess the 77 million views on YouTube seems average to her. (My son who wants to go to college in Japan just came out, "They're in Korea?") And he sat down. Yay, company!

They leave the mall looking like Aerosmith in the 80's and oblivious to the fullness of their humiliation. After a quick change, they're all in their tight minidresses and ready for more of Nikki's whining. Kat bugs Nikki because Kat likes to talk about herself in the third-person. She uses her quality time to tell Juan Pablo about her deadbeat dad with the 7 DUIs.


Elise is worried about what kind of mother everyone will be. She's wearing tacky, electric blue lace, so if she's so worried about Camilla, she might want to hire a stylist. She uses her time to tell Juan Pablo how serious she is. They have absolutely no chemistry.

Nikki finally gets her time and she uses her time to get real -- they seemed to have a real conversation. Nikki gets the rose. Elise says she wouldn't have Nikki around Camilla because of Nikki's negativity. But Elise looks like she's familiar with the bar scene. I wouldn't want that around my child either.

Sharleen gets the one-on-one. Clare shoots daggers out of her eyes. Because Sharleen is tentative -- read: not pathetically planning the wedding like Clare. Juan Pablo says she's his favorite right now. She doesn't seem that into him -- and I don't think it's because she's just reserved.

They're walking through the market and eating strange foods. They enter a traditional Korean tea house, and she's hoping they can get "real" -- I think she's hoping to dig deeper and I'm not sure Juan Pablo -- well, she tells how she has a Bachelors and Masters in Music. JP says, "If there was a degree in soccer--"

She claims that he is more fun than she expected. He wants her to sing, and she gets uncomfortable, but he closes her eyes and she begins to warm up with bird noises. Then, she sings -- and it's beautiful. Then, she kisses him again. She's kissed him more than anyone. She thinks, "There is a shot that we could fall in love."

They have a great conversation over dinner. They both talk about being dropped in a foreign country -- and connect on that level of being a lonely person in a strange land. Then, the topic turns to kids and she tells him the truth. She's never thought about kids. He gives her the rose anyway, which is unfortunate for the chicks at home already planning her demise.

Next group date: Krazy day in Korea. They're going to do Karaoke. This looks like a bad slumber party you'd have with your friends when you're 12.


Then, they get a fishy pedi. While Clare is wanting to attack the girls. She's the needy chick and she tells JP she doesn't want to eat Octopus, so he gives her octopus. At least we Italians fry it.

Clare acts like a two-year old eating broccoli.

Nighttime: Renee first. She bugs me. She's very masculine, but JP seems more interested than me, but not enough to kiss her. He's on a kissing diet because he doesn't want Camilla to see daddy kissing everyone. I guess Sharlene had already kissed him, so she got umbrellaed in.

Andi is perfect, Juan Pablo says and he wants to kiss her. But there's that diet. So they hold hands instead and fight their chemistry. The other girls don't know about the diet. Only that THEY weren't the ones kissed. This leads to rejection and tears by some brunette. I have no idea who she is. It's Lauren.

Clare's a game player -- and Juan Pablo -- falls victim and goes against his "no kissing" rule after just rejecting poor Lauren. He gives the rose to Andi and Clare should be kept away from knives. I can't believe Clare was one of my faves. I see nothing authentic about this woman when she's with Juan Pablo.

Nikki has a rose, and there's an "agreement" before the rose ceremony. This rule is obviously for everyone else. Nikki is "special." JP doesn't notice a thing. He is very into Nikki.

She's a little put-off when he talks about trouble in the house. "Trouble? What trouble?" Usually a good sign that you may be the problem.

Going home with a very long plane ride to ponder being dumped: Elise & Lauren. Ouch. Elise, while falling out of her dress, and stumbling over the cobblestone in her heels tries to maintain her dignity. Lauren berates herself for making a pass.

I'm Embarrassed by how much this makes me laugh...

There's a song that my daughter listens to, and I sing JUST like this. It drives her bonkers, but I feel redeemed now. See how much you can stand. The song I do this to is "Let Her Go" by Passenger. I'm quite good at it. You'd all be impressed. : )

FYI, you might have to be a mother of a teen girl and inundated with this kind of music to find this entertaining.