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January 2014
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March 2014

Beach Cottage

Yesterday, Nikki sent me this picture of a tiny beach cottage in Monterey and I can't get it out of my head. I need a vacation. I want to think and "be" in the book, rather than get pulled in and out of it. So it dawned on me, what's stopping me? I live maybe 90 minutes from Monterey. Why not book it, and finish the book at a beach cottage?

I will take my new copy of "Pride and Prejudice The Keepsake Edition"; yoga pants, my Kindle and a Laptop. Granted, I may not come back, but I'll think about that tomorrow.


Mila Kunis & Ashton Kutcher are Engaged...

I don't know how I feel about this. Personally, I think she can do better, but love is a fickle being I suppose.


I hope the ring is prettier than it seems here. It's really sad when you've got all the money in the world and no taste. Boo to that. I mean, you can buy taste. You can go into a jewelers and say, "I need something tasteful, and it seems I have none." They'll help you. If you have money, I promise they'll help you.


Would you have asked Juan Pablo for answers?

There seems to be a lot of controversy over the Juan Pablo/Andi entanglement from Monday night. A lot of Andi-haters who thought she should have just shut up and been on her way. A lot of people who feel she may have confronted him with a script so that they set her up to be the next possible Bachelorette.

Personally, I think she'd make a terrible Bachelorette, but let's not forget, I thought Juan Pablo would make a great Bachelor. Ahem.

Some said, she wasn't going to get what she wanted from him, so why did she bother? She should have just packed up her dignity and left. (I'm sorry, you leave your dignity at the door when you sign up for this show, so I can't buy that argument.)

Then, there are those who loved that she let Juan Pablo have it.


Big surprise, I fall into the latter camp. I'll admit, I was a moron thinking that Juan Pablo would be a good Bachelor. He is all charm and no substance. The longer he's on the show, the more I think the whole "stepmother" routine is just one more excuse to avoid a commitment to a woman. He can always blame little Camilla, and then use her name to snake charm the next chick.

But he did go after the two SMARTEST women on the show (Sharleen and Andi) and I have to wonder if there's some psychology in that.

I see why Andi did what she did. She wanted to tell him that if you're going to be in a relationship, you have to care about the other person, too. It can't all be about you. If I were her, I would have felt comforted knowing he did care about the other women and asked questions of them.

I don't think after hearing, "You barely made it here" come out of his mouth, Andi was comforted that the other women were being treated any differently.

Personally, I see Juan Pablo as the guy that four hundred women can say this same thing to him, and he'll just move onto the next girl. Maybe she won't "argue' with him.

They say women have unrealistic expectations when it comes to love. I'd say, not having a 'discussion' for the entire duration of a marriage is not reasonable. I personally hope he picks Clare. They'll both think they've got the catch of the day, while they continue to primp and look at their first loves in the mirror.

Either way, I don't see it lasting with anyone. Not just on this show, but permanently. Juan Pablo has a little growing up to do.

What did you think?

Full Brain: Empty Blog

Sorry I've been quiet, my mind is reeling with story, and that doesn't leave much for the blog. It does leave a lot for mindless television this week, with the Bachelor. I hope we don't have to answer for that garbage in heaven.

"But God? It was a really long day."

Anyway, I was reading about a family, whose 5-year old son got into the wrong car with someone else's great grandfather from school. Of course, the parents are livid. I imagine the family with Grandpa who picked up the wrong boy aren't exactly thrilled either. But it all ended happily. No need to sue, right?

But it sounds like they're setting up to sue. I'm sorry, but take some freaking responsibility. Don't they teach Stranger Danger anymore? A five-year old should know Grandpa, shouldn't he? I'd be embarrassed to sue -- like shoot, I didn't teach my kid the bare basics and sent him off to school.

That's what you call a "Teaching Opportunity" not a suing opportunity.


My boys selling lemonade back in the day. A day they were old enough not to get into a car with a stranger.

#The Bachelor -- St. Lucia

St. Lucia's tourism board did not give Juan Pablo a script.

There is water...there are is pretty.

Is he writing a book for Camilla or describing the scene with his limited English? Clare is the first to show up, and she's as annoying as ever. Clare tells us she wants to be able to have serious one-on-one time. While she narrates this call to romance, Juan Pablo gropes her as she climbs on their yacht.

She tells us that back in Vietnam they went for a swim in the ocean, which made him feel uncomfortable. Is that code for "walking the Appalachian trail?" Because if she's worrying about Juan Pablo feeling disrespected, I think she can move she's really not sure if "spending the night together is the best idea."

Sure, Clare. We believe you. Juan Pablo starts to play head games with Clare and implies Clare's Mom is on it, and Lara (her sister) is the spawn of Satan. Real men don't divide families, Clare. Your sister Lara may have issues, but she's right on target about this vapid Bachelor.

Cue obligatory jump from the boat into the water together scene. While Clare again tries to make us believe she's hesitating about the fantasy suite.


Rather than the "Girls Tell All" episode, this season needs a "Producers Tell All" episode. I mean, you have to know, they have cut this film to the bare minimum to make Juan Pablo appear like a decent catch.

Clare lets him know that HIS reputation with his daughter matters to him. But basically, you're not going to call her out as a tramp this time. He assures her with some mumbling of crap I couldn't hear. But it works. Because Clare is not really hesitating at all.

I have to admit, I have been very innocent about these Fantasy Suite dates and have always assumed they were talking. This time, I have no such fantasies. This guy is a dog.

Clare tries to tell him she's falling in love, but he quickly shuts her up with his false, "Let me grab your face, kiss you and stop you from talking." He actually asks her, "Why are you thinking so much?"

Cue Obligatory Hot Tub Scene. Okay, I read this Tweet last night, "I'd rather drink a gallon of Bachelor Hot Tub Water than let my daughter go on this show."

ANDI -- She needs a beer.


They play the steel drums in the local village. Then, they sit down with two darling kids an they soon play a pick-up game on the beach.

He speaks English JUST FINE when he tells Andi all about her father "disrespecting" him. What a loser. If someone talked about my dad like that, he'd be out the door.

Show of hands for who believes this line:

Andi: I'd rather overthink it than underthink it.
Juan Pablo: Me too.

Next Morning, Juan Pablo: We talked and laughed for hours. Like hours. Like hours. Andi could be the one. I'm happy. I'm very happy.

ANDI: I could not wait to get out of the fantasy suite. I saw a side to him that I really didn't like, and the whole night was just a disaster.

Hmm. Two different points of view here. Apparently, Juan Pablo is a bit of a narcissist and never asked about her. And he told her about his overnight with Clare. He has no filter and Juan Pablo's charm has clearly worn out its welcome here.

Translation: How did I not see that he was so dumb before now? Answer: Producers and careful handling.


Shows up in Pocahontas's bikini and some 70's parachute pants for a horse ride to the beach. I love when Juan Pablo knits his brows together. "What is that burning smell? Oh, I must be thinking."

"There's three people," he tells Nikki. Oh my gosh, he cannot make anyone feel at ease because he wants them all to fight over him, so he can feel powerful. Nikki could be a good partner for him, he tells us. Because she's pretty. And she cares about people.

Nikki tells him she loves him and I cannot understand the drivel that he offers back, but it certainly isn't I love you too. It's something like, "Yeah, you're into all this. I know." (My Translation.)

Next Up -- Andi's Confrontation of Juan Pablo:

She's not in love with him, and she's not going to be. He's like, "It's fine."
This ticks her off. "It's not okay."
"If you don't feel it, there's nothing I can do."
He tells her she only had to think about ONE guy. He had to think about 27 women. "Am I going to die right now? No. Is it sad for me? Yeah."
She tries to pull some emotion out there, but it's not there. Andi has the line of the night when she tells him there's a difference between being honest and being an a-hole.

She tells him that he has no idea what religion she is, how she feels about social issues, and he tries to zing her with, "Okay, what religion am I?"
"Catholic." This shuts him down.
Poor Juan Pablo is no match for a DA -- she debates for a living, but he tells her, she should have brought up this stuff in the fantasy suite. LOL It's HER fault. I mean, she ARGUES with him. "I'm not going to argue with a lawyer."

He tells us if she wanted to stay, he'd say no. Big talk from a guy who just got DUMPED by his number three on "The Bachelor."

Andi's words of wisdom and lesson learned, "He doesn't get it. He never will." But at least she got a trip around the world while she learned that crap lesson. Some of us never leave town for it.


Chris announces Andi is gone. Nikki wants to know why she's gone. Clare just blinks and waits to be picked. JP tells them, she was not feeling right. It hurt, he says. But there is nothing he can do about it. He tells them if they have issues to come and talk to him. He will understand, because you mean nothing more to him than the next chick he has to charm into believing he wants a relationship.


So everyone that is saying that Juan Pablo is the worst Bachelor of all time. I can't say that. For me, it will always be Jake Pavelka -- who I think it is a sociopath. However, Juan Pablo is arrogant and not that bright, his interaction with people was SOO shallow that I think Chris Harrison wants to turn to the camera, and say, "Do you see, America? Do you see why you're idiots at casting, and you should leave picking contestants to us?"

I answer a hearty, "YES, Chris Harrison. We were wrong. Forgive us, and please don't bring us anyone with an IQ not bigger than their shoe size! And no more foreigners. It was cute. But the fantasy is over."

Anderson Cooper's Hamptons' Estate for Rent

These stars must keep nothing personal in their homes to rent them out. That would drive me nuts. But seriously, even your book collection is a private matter. Would you want someone able to rifle through your cupboards?

I'm sure this is an "extra" home for Anderson, and it's not filled with personal items. Being he travels, a lot, his other home may be like that too. But a home is so personal to me, I wouldn't want to share it this way. That being said, I would like to share Anderson's, and I wouldn't rifle through his things, but it would cost me $150,000 so I will go ahead and book my trip to Florida instead.




It's a great house, isn't it?

Pride and Prejudice: The Keepsake Edition

I'll admit it. I'm a sucker, but when I saw that ad on "Austenland" for the "Keepsake Edition" of Pride and Prejudice -- and then, the "never-before-seen scenes" line, I knew it had to be mine.

I tried to sneak it in the house yesterday, but my boys caught me. "Mom, the last thing this house needs is another version of that."

"But it has deleted scenes! Deleted scenes! Do you want to watch them with me?"

One son to another, "Maybe you should peg Trey for that." (My son away at college.)

"She's turned into Sheldon Cooper."

"But in a good way, right?" I ask.

But really, is there a good way to be compared to Sheldon Cooper?

"We can find those deleted scenes for you on the InterWeb."

Now they tell me. But it's not the same. Next time, I'll leave my illegal stash in the car. And wait until they're at school. I went to get a scale, and no one asked me about that! Other than, "We're not going on a diet, right? Just you?"

Did you see the deleted scenes yet?


#Bachelor Hometown Dates

It should be obvious to everyone by now that Juan Pablo has no substance. He's used to seducing women and so, he falls back on his modes operandi and tries it on the dads. Good luck with that tactic.

First up is Nikki. I cannot believe this woman is a pediatric nurse. She has to be bright. She has to have hobbies and be fun -- so why? Why does she dumb herself down for Juan Pablo? I think in Kansas City, they may not have as many International playboys for her to recognize the signs.

She takes him to a BBQ joint, and Juan Pablo acts as if he's never seen a rib in his life. Then, she takes him to a PBR place, so he can ride the mechanical bull. This is as exciting as watching paint dry. No know how some times paint dries darker than it went on the wall? The "after" can really bring some surprises. This date, however...


The DA -- they're in Atlanta. I fail to see what Andi sees in Juan Pablo. She admits she's not in love with him, and this is good because we might question all that advanced education she has.

They go to a shooting range. I think this is a good idea for Juan Pablo to know Andi can outshoot him. Maybe he'll send her home and do her a favor. Or better yet, her tough-love dad Hy will explain infatuation vs. love and send JP packing. Andi's parents can't stand JP, and the dinner is awkward.

Andi's mom asks the straight question, "What's special about my daughter?" This is a question Juan Pablo cannot answer about ANY of these women who are left. He doesn't know Andi from a pork rib. He gives his typical baloney answer, and then dances with Andi for Mom to sidetrack her from these hard questions. No one is feeling it.

Dad Hy tries to give Juan Pablo some advice. You know, man-to-man -- from a man who has been happily married for 30 years. He tells JP to stop looking for a stepmother for his kid, and find the right woman for him. The rest will fall into place. But all the synapses aren't quite firing for Juan Pablo, because he has an agenda. That agenda is to find as many women as possibly who will fall for this nanny with fringe benefits line he's selling. This does not go over well with Hy.

Both parents want to know what's special to Juan Pablo about their daughter, and it's clear he doesn't know Andi from a pork rib. Hy tells JP, when there aren't three other women, and my daughter is the only one for you? We'll have a discussion.

I'd say the discussion is over. Even Andi's sister, who admits Juan Pablo is hot, can't get behind the idea. Reality check for Andi.


Isn't it interesting that no one has professed their love yet to Juan Pablo? By this time in all of the other shows, the women are planning their weddings. These women are like, "I think I could fall in love with him." And there's Renee, "I love him, but I haven't been able to tell him."

I submit to you, that if you have to work that hard with a guy? He's a commitmentphobe and just not that into anyone. But himself. I wish they'd put their heads together and see it's not them, it's him. And he'll use Camilla as his excuse forever.


Now we're in Sarasota, FL -- gosh darn, Juan Pablo -- she's a mother. She's in Florida. Do the math! She'd make an excellent mother for Camilla! This guy is heartless. I'm not buying the whole "Camilla is everything routine." He's way too calculating and selfish for that. Okay, he may not be bright enough to be calculating, but he is manipulative.

SIDENOTE: Why, when they ask JP a question, does he knit his brows together and it's like, something's burning?

Renee is reunited with her son, Ben, and it's beautiful. There is no usage of Ben as a prop. The connection is apparent and immediate. Why can't she see it's really missing with Juan Pablo? Ugh. JP does all the talking, and then says, "He is such a cool kid! Oh man, I really want a son." Read: Mini-me.

So they're at a Little League baseball game. Renee's brother is very good looking. Maybe they could be a brother/sister Bachelor/Bachelorette team. That would be fun. I have not been a Renee fan until tonight. She's got a lot of substance to her.

Renee tells Mom she hasn't told JP she loves him. "It's a mini-wall. It's a mini-guard." It's called discernment. And he's not open.



We're in Sacramento, and Clare tries to talk to Juan Pablo, but he shuts her up by kissing her. I wonder how long he thinks that will work in a real relationship?

Clare shows her genuine self when talking about her father -- who sounds like an amazing man. A man who probably would have not been very excited about JP. Clare has five sisters, and she's the youngest.

I will say he's affectionate with Clare. And her one sister sees their connection and wants to know what she'd want? What does her dream future look like?

Other sisters ask the hard questions. So Juan Pablo keeps talking. Not saying much of substance, but the family is buying it and it does seem like this is the most honest of all the relationships.

There's one controlling sister who keeps speaking for her mother. Clare says, "Mom can answer for yourself."

Controlling sister is still speaking and says she's not going to let Clare manipulate her mother. It is ALWAYS the manipulative person who says that. Sis is being creepy -- man, big families suck sometimes. The sister gossip begins.

Lara (controlling sister) is right beside Mom to interview JP. She inserts herself into everyone's business but finally agrees to leave JP alone with Mom. Mom speaks Spanish, so she does connect with him. But he's not listening. He's always just waiting to talk.

In a stunning show of coldhearted callousness, he sends Renee home. Line up, men of Sarasota. His worst traits are that he doesn't know what's good for him, what he wants, or why he's sending Renee home. A decision he won't regret because he doesn't bother with such tiresome feelings.

Robin Thicke and Paula Patton Split

Yeah, no one saw that coming. I'm always leery of people who are constantly talking about their sex life. It's so disrespectful. But then again, so is dancing naked in your video with a chick young enough to be your daughter. Ewww. He gives me the heebie-jeebies.


It's sad. They've been together since they were 14 and 16 -- but sometimes, allowing someone to be EXACTLY who they are isn't always the best thing. Sometimes, people have scummy shadow sides and if they want to stay married, they should probably shut that down.

Plus, he just seems needy in terms of attention. I wonder if it was ever her turn? Oh well, I guess she is going to take her turn. They have a small child, though, so it's a shame.

Piers Morgan Sacked

I'm not usually the type to rejoice over someone else's bad news, but good riddance to his arrogant, smug, condescending self.


I cannot stand the way he speaks to guests. As if his view is the only one that matters. His ratings have plummeted from two million to 270,000.

We get it. The Brits don't like guns. That's okay, you didn't like them during the Revolutionary War either. The thing is, America isn't giving them up. It's ingrained in our culture.

Whenever he prattled on about guns, I thought his real issue is with mental illness. Sandy Hook was about mental illness. I'm not even pro gum, but hearing Pierce, I found myself thinking, you will get our guns when we adopt cricket as our national sport.

It's clear that England thinks of America as it's wild, little, uncouth sibling. I mean, did you see Downton last night?

That's fine. Think that. From your side of the pond. I don't imagine they want am American reporting on the Manchester U game anymore than we want Piers preaching to us on guns.