Misogyny in the Church & Judgment

Misogyny in the church is shown in subtle ways -- and sometimes, not so subtle ways. Regardless, it is insidious. God loves men and women equally. One sex is not BETTER than the other. We are different to accomplish God's purpose but equal in his sight.


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I know a young woman who is really struggling with her faith because of how she's been taught that women are less than men. Here are just some examples. Her father had her read Proverbs where the POOR young innocent man has been led astray, by the terrible vixen -- the lustful woman. Now, there are lustful women out there, but a man is responsible for himself and we have to stop treating men like they get some special compensation because they can't control their lusts. That's ON THEM. To me, this attitude in the church is just like women being forced to wear the Burqa by the Taliban because a man can't be responsible for himself. This young woman read that as "women are evil" and "men are their victims."

Now, this same young girl I'm speaking of is also told by her father that David is a man after God's own heart. I think it comes with age that we understand King David is a complete screw-up, but he loves the Lord and his heart is inclined toward God. But let's be honest, Bathsheba pays a terrible price for David having had her husband killed so that he could have her as his own. And rather than blame her for being a lustful woman, I'm going to say in that timeframe, she had very little choice if King David wanted her for his own. But we don't really hear about Bathsheba's pain having lost their baby. We do hear that David is a man after God's own heart -- but you have to take the WHOLE of David and not this piece. Just like all of us. Imagine if we were judged forever due to our one awful sin that we wish we could take back? But I have a really hard time with pastors who take issue with Bathsheba, but NOT David.

I'm getting sidetracked. God is not a misogynist. But many of his followers are. I'm going to tell you a subtle way this is still being taught in the church. I recently picked up a Christian book by a respected pastor of a mega church -- it is published by a very large Christian publisher. This pastor was preaching on intimacy. He was saying that it's not just sex that brings intimacy, but it's time and connection when spending time together. He said that you could even have intimacy while watching football -- but not "The Bachelor" because that is unbiblical.

I kept flipping the page to see if he said, "Just kidding." But nope. Stopped right there. But not the Bachelor because that is unbiblical. Did he add to the Gospel? If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved -- oh, and you don't watch 'The Bachelor.'"

If this pastor had clarified his meaning and said, "You can create intimacy by watching football, or maybe a chick flick on the Hallmark Channel" I would have been fine. But he did not say that. He did not qualify the television watching for anything his wife wanted to watch. He said football -- ie., what the MAN wants. You know, football. With all those cheesy beer commercials with women bouncing in bikinis and the questionable website ads -- that football? SOO Biblical! (Sarcasm.) Of course, that's all the lustful women on those commercials and cheerleading, so men are completely innocent here, I suppose.

Now, I'm not going to defend "The Bachelor." It's crap. We who watch it, know it's crap. I will admit, I never thought the fantasy suite was more than talking, but I've been enlightened by people who tell me I'm far too naive and I read one too many Jane Austen novels. There are definitely unbiblical things happening on that show, and I get that.

But so many of these self-righteous types who would call a woman out for watching "The Bachelor" also watch "Game of Thrones" or "The Walking Dead" or also may have a porn issue behind closed doors. Essentially, these men need to worry about themselves and not preach to women as if THEY are our salvation and not Jesus.

I'm just so over Christians judging other Christians based on their own version of Christianity. Pride and judging others doesn't make us holier, it makes us self-righteous and obnoxious.

My daughter has been watching some Netflix show on people in jail. (I don't know what it's called) but it's really giving her a heart for people who are in dire circumstances -- because people don't generally just end up in jail. Sometimes they're abandoned on the street. Sometimes, they have to turn tricks to eat because they have no family to turn to. Sometimes their parents are on drugs and they have nowhere to go.

Everyone has a story and their sin is based on that story and the struggles they've overcome. How lucky for someone to be able to judge what other people are watching on television! It means that you have enough to eat, you have a roof over your head. You're not in jail, your loved ones don't have a drug/drinking issue or battle major illness. Because you have time to judge what others watch for entertainment as if you're Jesus Himself.

Good luck with that.

Instead of judging, maybe you should be grateful that God didn't give you one of the harder lessons in life. Like the one that I watched last night on "Evil Lives Here." An African-American woman watched her husband descend into madness from mental illness (probably paranoid schizophrenia) and the police couldn't do anything to help her -- because he hadn't hurt anyone. Until he murdered their three sons while they slept and disappeared into the neighborhood until police apprehended him. I really doubt if God cares if this woman watches, "The Bachelor." But maybe I'm wrong. I'll take my chances.

I'd rather watch "The Bachelor" with her than football with that pastor any day of the week. Why? Because that woman doesn't have time for pious false facades and ridiculous judgments on others. She's genuine because she doesn't have the energy to be anything else. She's not pronouncing she's a better Christian than you because she doesn't watch television. She's in the thick of the worst struggle imaginable every single day of her life. This woman looked so normal you'd never know she'd been through such horror. How many others just like her are walking into our churches and being judged by someone for something the Christian machine added to the Gospel?

My point here is simple. You're not a better brand of Christian if you can't meet people where they are and the fact that our Christian market pays pastors to tell this lie is maddening.

No one is going to hell for watching "The Bachelor." And no one is getting any closer in marriage by always watching what the MAN wants to watch on television. Dude, go turn on the Hallmark Channel and let your wife build some intimacy.


Our Beloved Diann Hunt...

Diann has gone to be with Jesus. What a battle she put up against the monster that is ovarian cancer. And she didn't do it for herself. She just wasn't that person. She fought hard to be with her children and grandchildren. Always thinking of others.


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I'm so glad she's out of pain, but I heard yesterday how some of her family members are inconsolable and that just kills me. Because their loss is so genuine. There are people that you speak kindly of when they've gone -- and there are those who are truly that person. Even through a nearly five year battle with cancer. There are not many people that you can truly say that about and that's why the loss is so great.

A lot of people asked me about my visit. I didn't get to see Di before she left us, but I know that it brought joy to her that I was coming. That's who she was. She made me feel like a million dollars for coming. I'll bet she's having a good laugh that Kristin was a day late and a dollar short.

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Her movie, "For Better or Worse" will air on the Hallmark Channel next year on July 12th. Mark your calendars. That's such a great legacy for her, that she will continue to bring joy to the world through her books and now her movie.


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Fitting in...or not

I'm going to make a confession.  I don't like to go to Christian conferences.  Today, I got my hair cut and my hairdresser is gay and Vietnamese.  The clientele beside me included a Japanese bride who was in NYC on 9-11, a cute little blonde student who is living on Ramen noodles and planning her wedding.  And a white guy who didn't talk much.

What does that have to do with Christian conferences?  Seriously, I can make a "mistake" with one of these people and it's all right.  They'll accept my mistake and we'll move on.  I don't feel that way in Christian circles outside of Silicon Valley.  I feel like if my faith isn't just like theirs, and I don't prove my Biblical background, I'm not really one of them.  

As you know, I grew up Italian-Catholic.  I didn't have rules like that growing up.  Some Catholics drank, some didn't.  You weren't better than the guy who drank, you were different.  Some Catholics smoked, too!  Again, different.  Why do I feel like so many Christians don't respect other Christians with differing beliefs than theirs?  It's the Gospel plus NOTHING equals salvation.  

I simply don't fit into the Christian culture and I'm tired of trying.  Quite frankly, I'm tired of the rejection, the "correction", the feeling of people being above me because they wouldn't allow their kids to watch certain movies, or play that game.  

In the Catholic church, we knew we had jerks at church.  No question about it, but you didn't act like you were going straight to heaven on a one-way pass because YOU weren't like them.  They were simply a jerk and you didn't spend time with them.  I just feel left out and offensive when I'm with Christians because if I don't cover who I really am, I'm not like them.

Today, my hairdresser who came here 15 years ago, not knowing a word of English, told me he redid his condominium.  He found a Chinese couple, new to America getting a mattress off the street, and he tried to motion, "No, no take the bed.  I have lots of furniture for you."  He outfitted this Chinese couple with all his Ikea castoffs while he upgraded to Crate & Barrel without one word of understanding between them.  Only the simple communication:  I see your need.  Let me fill it.  

I have a special place in my heart for the downtrodden and left-out.  I am one of them.Badluck